New Year’s hangover

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Christmas has come and gone and, on the whole, I imagine most people were pleased with the presents they received. Some people are hard to please, resulting in the regifting concept. Every year, my mother disliked the presents my brother Richard and I gave her, which I thought was fine because by March she would forget who gave her the gifts and would ask me to take them off her hands.
Tom and I did were blessed to receive many gifts this year. There were, however, a few glitches. Tom got some underwear without a pee hole (the latest fashion, apparently) but they weren’t really for him. Nevertheless, he is keeping them, so good luck, Mr. Pee Pee Pants.
Tom also got one of those hearing aids advertised on TV, but apparently it doesn’t work. I received a car starter, which was quite exciting, but I had to return it because it didn’t have all the parts to install and would take an additional $200 to get it working. The rest of our gifts were wonderful and I am thankful to have such a generous family.
I had a customer tell me that the gift she gave her husband was a bit of a disappointment. She said she bought him an SUV, which made me think, Wow! That’s a great gift. That was until she said, “Yeah, Jack was a little sour with my idea. Who wouldn’t appreciate an SUV – socks, underwear and Viagra?” You can’t please everyone; try again next year.
I don’t know why we aggravate ourselves by making New Year’s resolutions. My resolution was to abstain from making resolutions. I do better at Lent, when I give up all sweets. It’s only for 40 days, so it’s easy to manage than torturing myself for 365.
Here is a New Year’s belief, Scottish or Irish. A tall, dark and handsome man brings good luck to your home, as long as he isn’t flat-footed. Similarly, the first person you meet walking down the road signifies your future. If it’s a child, you’re lucky, but if it’s a gravedigger, not so much.

Since Tom fell and broke his leg last month, I won’t be going on any trips this year, which means I can put my language lessons on hold. They say that English is one of the hardest languages to learn, and these signs seem to show that’s true:
In a Japanese hotel room – “Please to bathe inside the tub.”
In a Finnish hostel – “If you cannot reach the fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window.”
In a Copenhagen airport – “We take your baggage and send them in all directions.” Such honesty!

Amid the holiday rush, the Christmas airline traveler was curious and asked why there was a mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter. The clerk replied, “It’s so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”

Happy birthday to Mike (Jan. 24) and Glenn (Feb. 19). Happy anniversary to my husband of 47 years (Feb. 8). Happy New Year to my family, friends and neighbours!