Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Congratulations to my young friend Tanya, who has accepted a marriage proposal from her boyfriend Rubin. The happy couple will soon be out searching for the right engagement ring. I hope Rubin is prepared to spend a bit of cash. When Tom purchased my ring, it cost him $200, but that was 47 years ago and I imagine the prices have gone up since. And this is just the start of the money spending thing.

Made of money? Yeah, right!
Did your mother ever say to you, “Do you think I’m made of money?” or “Do you think money grows on trees?” Well, I always knew the answer to both of those expressions was no because there was no way I was getting money out of my mother. First of all, we lived in a poor neighbourhood with very few trees, and if you looked at my wise mother, you knew she wasn’t made of money. Not that she was cheap; she just didn’t have any. They say a fool and his money are soon parted, but my mother was no fool and therefore, there was no parting with her money.

Criminal activity
I’ve often heard the term drug money. They must be talking about the health care system, because if you don’t have a good drug plan, you’ll certainly be out of luck and money very quickly when you have a problem. Drug money must be pretty lucrative for doctors, now that they’ve become the best providers of drugs. I think it’s fair to say that unless you’re blessed with good health, you’ll need lots of drug money.
I’ve always been a big fan of money laundering schemes. I recall doing my son Bill’s laundry one day when I came across a $20 bill. Eureka! However, my happiness was short-lived after Bill realized he’d left the money in his pocket, shouting down the stairs, “Ma, did you find the $20 I left in my pocket?” What else could I do but reply emphatically, “Yes, Bill.”
Bill has always kept a good eye on his money. He’s very generous, be he ponders every purchase he’s going to make and seems to enjoy dickering to get the best deal. No fool, that boy!
Most people trust their money to the banks, and that’s a good thing for my son Glenn, who is a banker. I always knew that would be the business for Glenn. I recall a time when he was three years old and he had a dime in his hand. I said, “Glenn, give mommy that money.” He stubbornly replied, “No.” As I approached to retrieve the darn coin, he shoved it in his mouth and swallowed it. His first deposit! Who knew? He could have gone into the sanitation business, considering he was a devil to potty train, but I guess banking won out in the end.

You don’t know your math
Bill and Glenn seem to have a pretty good handle on the money situation; perhaps they take after me, because I can spend and save as good as the best of them. I remember when I was young, I was asked a math question: “Rita, if you have $2, and you asked your mother for $4, how much would you have?” “Oh,” I replied, “that’s easy. Two dollars.”
“Huh,” was the reply, “that’s wrong. You certainly don’t know your math.”
“Oh yeah?” I said. “Well, you certainly don’t know my mother.”

Advice for the week:
Having trouble sleeping? Try eating pitted fruit like cherries, plums, peaches, etc.