We’re all getting older daily

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

According to the dictionary, old means having lived or existed for a specific time, so even if you are two, three or sixty, you are old. So if you think you’re old, you can feel better knowing it’s true and that you’re not alone. As the old saying goes, it’s a mind over matter thing; if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Just for you, I created an old alphabet for this column.
Two old aged people kindly agreed to live with an old bat of a mother-in-law, who brought along her old cat and old dog, who all ate from old earthenware dishes. The old fart of a husband was always complaining about the old greasy food while wearing his old hat – which made him look like an old idiot – while the old juices spewed from his old kisser, which resembled an old lemon that seemed to have been permanently set on his old man face. Perhaps this was because his old nag of a wife constantly reminded him of his old ogre of a mother that she had to put up with ever since she moved in when she got her old-age pension years ago.
The mother liked to be treated like an old queen and much to the wife’s distress, she had a hard time adjusting to their living arrangements. One of her main concerns was the fact that if the old lady sat too long on her old rump, she would get old sores on her old tush and this would make her oh so old ugly to live with and then they would probably never get to fulfill their old vacation plans because they’d be stuck trying to find someone to look after the dear old soul. She imagined going in their old Winnebago to places where they would buy postcards to send with old xxx’s and old “Yes, we are having a great time” notes, and finally getting all the old zzz’s that they’d hankered for all those years. Whew! Enough already with the old alphabet.

Helpful hints
I haven’t given any in a while, but here are a few:
Never wash windows on a sunny day – they will dry too fast and leave streaks.
Bee sting – rub a slice of onion to ease the sting.
Mosquito bites (this is old advice that I gave previously) – dab vinegar on bites to relieve itching.

The 2nd annual Bill and Helene Regier memorial golf tournament is Sunday, September 7. Golf is $100 per person, or if you don’t golf, you can attend the dinner for $25 per person. Plus buy tickets for a “wheelbarrow of cheer”. For info: 519-237-3593.