Election issues

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Since we are preparing to go to the polls for another election, I suppose my column this week should reflect on the matter. Like most people I’m not too sure who I want to vote for, but I will vote and hopefully my choice will be a wise one. I suppose you can view politics like a dating game – those you date and those you marry. The question is, do you want to date or just fool around for a while?
Sometimes marriage and politics can be similar; at the start of either you make promises like loving, honouring, and sometimes obeying. But as time goes by, these promises are hard to keep and eventually some of us get disillusioned and want to change partners and try to go with someone else with a better plan. I know all politicians have to make all these promises in order to get votes, but the time has to come eventually when they have to keep at least some of these promises and quit fooling around.
Taxes are a big issue with any election; like death, there is no escape from either one, but at least death doesn’t get any worse.
October tips

Singing my praises for vinegar again. Everyone seems to know if your dog gets too close to a skunk and gets sprayed you should use tomato juice liberally to get the smell out. Well, you can use vinegar as well, and get the smell out just as effectively. It especially is better if your pooch is white because if you tomato juice the poor dog will be either red or pink. I’m sure this would embarrass Brutus immensely. Vinegar is cheaper, too.

Do you have a fear of flying? My friend Margaret told me she got this tip from a pilot. Once you’re seated on the plane, cross your ankles and place your hands on the armrest with the palms of your hands upright. This relaxes you and your fears apparently will subside.

Tips for tastier burgers: replace bread crumbs with potato chips (any kind you desire). Quite yummy!

Falling for you

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

The word fall has so many meanings. As the season turns, we can look forward to the changing of colours and the cooler weather. In its other form, the term is not as pretty as the season. My little friend Garrett Steffler had a fall last Thursday and the doctor glued the cut together. It’s amazing what they can do today to lessen the occurrence of scars. My guys were not so lucky as every one of them has at least one scar.
This falling business must be hereditary. My mother, for instance, was a fallen woman; no, that’s not right – I should say she fell a lot. That’s better.
My mother used to wear high-heeled shoes and a long fur coat, and I do believe that was her major downfall. I think her troubles started when she was about two years old and she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her nose; I think she tripped over her diaper that time.
It’s not exactly hereditary that my husband Tom has fallen and broken his nose several times, but our son Tommy had a broken nose and two black eyes when he got hit by a swing at the age of two. Falling backward, he also got a crack on the back of his head as he landed on a rock. Talk about bad luck!
Having children is the greatest thing, but this is one project that doesn’t come with a manual of instructions. It’s relatively simple when they are small babies; if all goes well, you just feed them, water them, and then you can put them down to rest. Once they get on their feet, however, you are presented with a whole new ball game; that’s when the fun begins in earnest.
I realize that young mothers are anxious for their children to grow up; be patient and enjoy them when they are small and having small troubles, because the bigger they get, the bigger the trouble.
So take heart Ashley (Garrett’s mom): your son will be fine and hopefully not have too many falls. You can take heart in the fact that Tommy’s fall didn’t do too much damage: he graduated at the top of his class in Grade 8, and while accepting awards at graduation, didn’t fall off the stage once.
(Editor’s note: Mom, you forgot to mention the scar on my forehead, a result of Bill pushing me into the dining room cabinet at age 3. I can still remember the bloody drive to South Huron Hospital and Dr. Gans stitching me up. Ah, the memories!)

Educating Rita

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Even though summer doesn’t officially end until September 21, it ends for most of us when the kids go back to school. Personally, I think I’ll take it easy for the two weeks we have left, and hopefully we’ll have some sunny days so I can relax in the sun, watch the neighbourhood kids get on the school bus, and reflect on the happy faces of parents who watch their little darlings trudge on their way to the great task of learning.
It has never been easy for most parents to see the little ones off, but as time goes by I’m sure they welcome the departure, especially when the young people reach Grade 6 or 7 and are more independent, and are hopefully still going to school whether they want to or not.
I realize that schooling isn’t always easy, especially learning the English language. Take, for instance, some of the following sentences:

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The other day I went to the dump and it was so full they had to refuse more refuse.

A person could lead if they could get the lead out.

Since there is no time like the present, I thought it was time to present the present.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

Can you imagine your license being invalid because you’re an invalid?

After I saw the tear in my stockings, I shed a tear.

With all the words in our English language, it’s half a wonder we are so very confused. Some other words to consider: polish, desert, row, sewer; all have different meanings when used as a noun or verb.
Mathematics is yet another great challenge. I wonder whether students are taught how to count, subtract, multiply and divide in school these days because I notice it’s often not a strong suit for many of the young people I work with. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been in school, so I imagine the teaching methods have changed. Regardless of how you are taught, an education is very important, so stay in school as long as you can; you’ll never regret it.
Congratulations to our very dear friend Bill Papineau of London, who celebrated his 80th birthday this weekend.

We’re all getting older daily

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

According to the dictionary, old means having lived or existed for a specific time, so even if you are two, three or sixty, you are old. So if you think you’re old, you can feel better knowing it’s true and that you’re not alone. As the old saying goes, it’s a mind over matter thing; if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Just for you, I created an old alphabet for this column.
Two old aged people kindly agreed to live with an old bat of a mother-in-law, who brought along her old cat and old dog, who all ate from old earthenware dishes. The old fart of a husband was always complaining about the old greasy food while wearing his old hat - which made him look like an old idiot – while the old juices spewed from his old kisser, which resembled an old lemon that seemed to have been permanently set on his old man face. Perhaps this was because his old nag of a wife constantly reminded him of his old ogre of a mother that she had to put up with ever since she moved in when she got her old-age pension years ago.
The mother liked to be treated like an old queen and much to the wife’s distress, she had a hard time adjusting to their living arrangements. One of her main concerns was the fact that if the old lady sat too long on her old rump, she would get old sores on her old tush and this would make her oh so old ugly to live with and then they would probably never get to fulfill their old vacation plans because they’d be stuck trying to find someone to look after the dear old soul. She imagined going in their old Winnebago to places where they would buy postcards to send with old xxx’s and old “Yes, we are having a great time” notes, and finally getting all the old zzz’s that they’d hankered for all those years. Whew! Enough already with the old alphabet.

Helpful hints
I haven’t given any in a while, but here are a few:
Never wash windows on a sunny day – they will dry too fast and leave streaks.
Bee sting – rub a slice of onion to ease the sting.
Mosquito bites (this is old advice that I gave previously) – dab vinegar on bites to relieve itching.

Reminder:
The 2nd annual Bill and Helene Regier memorial golf tournament is Sunday, September 7. Golf is $100 per person, or if you don’t golf, you can attend the dinner for $25 per person. Plus buy tickets for a “wheelbarrow of cheer”. For info: 519-237-3593.

A lesson in dishwashing etiquette

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

I know we have had a bit of rain in the past couple of weeks, but when it’s sunny and warm after the rain, it is quite wonderful. And although we complain about the rain, my view is, at least we can take consolation in the fact that we don’t have to shovel that stuff. As everyone knows, we are truly blessed to have so much clean and safe water.
I remember when I was young, we were very fortunate to have running hot water. For some reason, though, we didn’t have a sink in our kitchen, so when we washed the dishes we had to get the hot water from the bathroom tap, put it in a basin and then we’d get down to doing that dreaded task. My sister Carol liked watching TV at that hour, so she chose to dry the dishes, which she could do when the commercials were on. I was okay with this plan.
One night I decided to play a trick on Carol. As soon as she left the room for the umpteenth time, I started to take the clean dishes out of the cupboard and dip them in the water and put them on the rack for her to dry. This went on for a while, and because she was so engrossed in her show, she didn’t take notice of what I was doing. Finally when she came to her senses she said, “Gosh. It seems like there’s no end to these darn dishes.” I just smiled and shrugged and said, “Oh well, it’s our job, so we may just as well get it over with.” Naturally, I’m thinking how much longer can I keep up with this farce!
Well, I was soon to find out. I didn’t realize her TV show was over and she had come back into the kitchen. There I was doing the dirty deed and she caught me red-handed taking the clean dishes out of the cupboard. “Aha,” she says, “so this is what you’ve been doing!”
I kind of grinned and did the shrug thing again and said, “Whoops!” Well, you can imagine that she was thoroughly ticked. “That’s okay,” she says. She took the remaining dishes out of the basin, put them on the drain rack and then to my utter shock, she picked up the basin of dirty, soapy water and ceremoniously dumped it over my head. From that day forward, I convinced my mother that it might be a better idea if we all take turns doing the supper dishes – alone.
This trick taught me a good lesson because when my sons grew up and were able to do the dishes, they each had their own night to do the dishes, but definitely solo. I guess my sister didn’t appreciate my sense of humour, but what the heck, if you don’t have a sense of humour, it’s quite likely you don’t have much sense at all. Enjoy the water and keep safe this summer.

Happy 50th anniversary to Bill and Mae Brennan, who celebrated this past weekend with family and friends.

Shut your mouth and eat your supper! Oh, mom!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Shut your mouth and eat your supper!
How often have you heard that said, and when you stop to think about it, can you really do that? What the heck were our mothers thinking?
I remember my father saying, “If you put the food on your plate, you have to eat it.” My brother Bob hated peas, but nevertheless he would always put them on his plate and he couldn’t leave the table until he ate them. That wasn’t too smart. I, on the other hand, didn’t normally take something I didn’t want to eat, but if I did, I was smart enough to make sure I had a ready pocket to hide what I didn’t want. (It’s a good thing I liked creamed corn.) We couldn’t afford a dog, so we always envied the skinny kids with their fat dogs.
Sometimes my mother would confuse me, for instance whenever I wouldn’t eat my dinner, she would say, “Eat your dinner. Do you realize that the poor starving kids in China would give their right arm to have that meal.” If I couldn’t eat my mother’s cooking, why would I subject the poor kids in China to eating it? They’ve suffered enough; why would I add to their plight?
I know I’ve heard other mothers saying this, too. I say stop it, send some money to the mission and leave us out of this eating business. Most mothers worry too much when it comes to their kids’ eating habits, but believe me, kids will eat when they’re hungry.
Many foods we consume are very good for us, and others not so. Do you notice that the rich sugary foods we so love are said to be fattening and not so good? On the other hand, fruits and vegetables are very good to eat. Working at Tim Horton’s, I’m often tempted to indulge in the sugary paradise. For about the last seven years, I have always brought my own break food, which basically consists of fruits, veggies and granola. These foods keep me alert and full of energy so I can stay on my feet.
Some people suffer health problems because of what they eat. A common complaint is heartburn. My son’s mother-in-law suffered with this ailment for several years until someone suggested she take the root of ginger, soak it in hot water, let it steep for 10 minutes, and then drink it. Apparently this works; it certainly would beat taking drugs all the time. That’s all for this week, folks!

Nonsensical Labels

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

You really have to pay attention to labels and commercials. Sometimes they don’t make a heck of a lot of sense. I’ve been told, if you can’t pronounce the ingredients, the product more than likely isn’t good for you.
I get a kick out of some of the drug commercials that tell you the produce will solve your health problems, and then they go on to tell you that the side effects of the drug could cause you to have headaches, diarrhea, cramps or nausea, and maybe all of the above. Sure, sign me up for that one!
Here are a few examples of labels that caught my eye:
Label on a box of rat poison – “Warning: may cause cancer in laboratory mice.”
Label on air conditioner – “Avoid dropping air conditioner out of window.”
Label on a cardboard sunshield for a car – “Do not drive with sunshield in place.” Really!
Attached to a portable stroller – “Caution: remove infant before folding for storage.” Oh, please!
I do declare, do these people really think before they put these labels on?
Summer is here at last and so are the bugs, including the pesky mosquitoes. I got bitten several times the other day and I doused myself with vinegar. It’s fast, cheap, and believe me it works. No more itching or stratching. Vinegar also works on a sunburn.
Enjoy the nice weather, stay healthy and happy!

The darnedest things

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

People say and do the craziest things. Since we had such a cold winter, I said if I ever heard anyone complain about the heat, I would surely slap them. Well, I’ve got my dukes up and I’m ready because - would you believe it - people are complaining already. Usually they say, “I don’t mind the heat so much, but it’s the humidity.” Well, they say it’s hot in hell; I wonder what the humidity is like down there. Hopefully I’ll never find out.
When newfies invite you over for a meal, they say if you come over they’ll put on the pot. I was not familiar with this expression, so when my newfie friend invited me to her house and said she’s put on the pot, I was a little reluctant to accept. I said to her, “Look Jackie, I don’t mind having the occasional drink or two, but as far as the pot goes, I’m not really into that kind of stuff.” Jackie thought that was quite funny, and after a brief explanation and a chuckle, I did go and have a great newfie meal.
Did you know that there’s a law in Nova Scotia that forbids you to water your lawn if it’s raining? Wow, really!
People not only say the darnedest things, but they also do them. My brother Richard is a real sweetheart, and used to travel a lot between Montreal and London by bus or train. Unfortunately he was prone to motion sickness, and on one occasion when he was taking the train, he did get sick. He went to the washroom and threw up his lunch (maybe he shouldn’t have eaten). At the same time, he upchucked his false teeth. Well, he was quite upset, so he finds the train conductor and tells him that they need to stop the train so he can retrieve his teeth. The conductor laughed and said, “Sorry, once your teeth end up on the tracks, there’s no way we can find them.” In the meantime, the man is just howling. Needless to say, Richard was gumming it for a while.
My sister Joan and my brother Tom have always said that I was the naïve one in our family, but I think Richard shares this malady with me. Richard was visiting me one summer and many times my neighbour Gloria and I needed to go shopping; Richard would babysit for us. On the first occasion, Gloria and I went into town and Richard stayed home and entertained the kids. After a few hours, Gloria and I returned and - as we were coming up the street - we could see Richard and the kids on the lawn having a great time. I turn to Gloria and say, “Would you look at those guys having such a great time? I wonder where they got all those white balloons.” Gloria looks and almost faints, and says, “Oh my gosh! Those aren’t balloons; those are my husband’s condoms!” Whoops! He must have bought them by the gross because we sure had a mess of them to clean up. Where’s Casey when you need a photographer? Oh, that was before his time.
Thanks to Casey for taking me to the Huron Country Playhouse to see Sorry… I’m Canadian. What a great, hilarious show. A must see for all, especially if you’re Canadian. We certainly are a funny lot and I would hope we are proud to say we are Canadians.

Wedding and baby showers

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

As we get older, times change. The children become adults and some adults become children. When I was younger, my parents were the authority figures; these days, there is still authority in the family, but in some instances it seems that it rests in the hands of the children. Perhaps this is because the young generation of parents today are in such a hurry for their children to grow up. What’s the big rush? Let kids be kids; they’ll soon be adults and they’ll remember their childhood with fond memories.
One thing I’ve learned from growing old, the kids to whom I gave advice now give advice to me. How very strange; perhaps I didn’t do too bad of a job along the way!
Most people don’t appreciate change unless it jingles in their pocket, but there will always be change, hopefully for the better.
The other day I was speaking to a group of ladies and we were discussing how wedding showers and baby showers have changed. Nowadays, what we used to give as wedding gifts are now the gifts we give at showers, and baby showers are just as expensive.
Regardless, I’ve always enjoyed going to showers, especially baby showers. My fondest memory of a pregnancy is that of Mike’s wife, Val. We were very excited as this would be our first grandchild.
One day Glenn, Val and I were sitting around chatting and of course Val was telling Glenn how eager she was to have the baby and Glenn – who is very kind and gentle – was smiling and saying how he was looking forward to being an uncle and on and on went the conversation. Then Val got really excited when the baby started kicking and she said to Glenn, “Would you like to see my baby?”
Glenn replied, Sure, so Val lifted her blouse and Glenn looks and says, “Wow, twins!”
Much to Val’s astonishment, it was this moment when she realized she wasn’t wearing a bra and the blouse went too high. Who would have thought Val was a flasher?
Canada Day is Glenn’s daughter’s birthday, so happy 15th birthday Olivia, and happy 141st birthday Canada!

A way with words

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Where does the time go? Here we are again nearing the end of another school year. Education is so very important today. Unless you have at least your Grade 12 diploma, you would be hard pressed to get any kind of job, unlike in my day, so many eons ago, when if you had at least your Grade 7 you were considered literate. In Quebec, where I grew up, you started high school in Grade 8 and were done in Grade 11, and then you were considered quite educated.
Times have changed for the better. As far back as I can remember, people have asked the age old question of kids: what would you like to be when you grow up? A few years ago, I clipped out the following joke from a magazine:
All the children had been photographed and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’”
A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s still old, nasty and wrinkled.”

People make mistakes all the time, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve made many mistakes. Sometimes I know I drive my sister nuts. She always says I’m smart, but for quite some time there was a word in my vocabulary that I was saying wrong. The word was regardless, and I was always saying irregardless. Joan let me get away with this for a while, but she couldn’t take it anymore and corrected me on it. Wow. Who knew?
I have a hard time correcting people and perhaps many others do to, but I guess sometimes you’ve got to bite the bullet and say something.
My mother became a widow at the young age of 47. After my father’s death and a decent period of time had passed, she started dating again. Men really enjoyed her company because she was a lot of fun and quite jolly. Sometimes my mother had a bit of a problem with words. One time, when she was visiting the doctor’s office, the doctor suggested she was going through menopause. Well, my mother was very indignant about this news and said, “We’ll I’ve been a widow for three years now, and I can assure you I have not had a pause between men.”

Final words of wisdom: Stay in school and get all the education you can. Someone once said, Knowledge is power. How very true.

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