Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

The most popular month for people to get married is June. I suppose people figure if April showers bring May flowers, then June will bring good weather that is neither too hot nor too cold. This is a good time to start a new life with someone you love.
It has been said that white is a colour that symbolizes happiness and good luck. Black on the other hand, would symbolize bad luck and unhappiness. I can understand why so many brides choose to wear white, so why do the grooms wear black? You’d wonder, wouldn’t you? Wearing earrings will bring the bride good luck provided they are not pearl earrings. Maybe the groom can get on this bandwagon and change his luck with a nice pair of earrings. Apparently, for every pearl a bride wears, her husband will give her a reason to cry. Great! After 47 years of marriage I find this out.
Most animals that you see on the way to church are good luck, including lambs, doves or toads. Even birds that fly directly over your car are good luck. It’s bad luck, though, if a pig crosses your path or bats fly into the church. Your old bat of an Aunt Gretchen doesn’t count.

Things we think we know!

• The red coral of the Mediterranean is actually blue.
• The grey whale is actually black.
• The Caspian Sea and the Dead Sea are both actually lakes.
• The Douglas fir is a pine tree.

Found in the classified ads

• Beautiful 6-month-old kitten. Playful, friendly, very affectionate. Or handsome 32 year old husband. Personable, funny, good job, but hates cats; says he goes or the cat goes. Come see both and decide which one you’d like. (Rita: I guess that honeymoon is over.)
• Amana washer – owned by bachelor who seldom washed.
• For sale: Cows, calves, never bred; also, a gay bull.
• Georgia peaches – Californian grown, 89¢/lb

Quotables

• Golfer Elaine Johnson once drove a ball that hit a tree, bounced back and landed in her bra. “I’ll take two stroke penalty,” she said, “but I’ll be damned if I’m going to play the ball where it lays.”
• Rita Rudner: My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Happy Father’s Day to Tom and all my sons who are fathers. To Casey – an honourable mention for looking after his two dogs.

The Grand Bend Strip and publisher Casey Lessard took home more awards than any other newspaper in Ontario Friday, May 14 at the Ontario Community Newspapers Association gala held in Toronto. Here are the results and judges’ comments:

Is mom stunned by the success of the Grand Bend Strip? Unfortunately, they only take one photo at the Ontario Community Newspapers Association awards banquet in Toronto, and this is the one they sent us. From left: publisher Casey Lessard, mom Rita Lessard, OCNA president Don MacLeod, and co-owner Anjhela Michielsen hold the most plaques taken home by any newspaper at this year’s awards, held May 14.

3rd place – General Excellence (best overall paper), circulation under 1,999
Note: Top marks in 4 of 11 categories, including Front Page, Presentation, Photography, and Production Quality
Judges Norm Park, Cindy Beaulieu, Kelly Clammer, Heather Thomson: The most eye-appealing publication in this class. No question about artistic quality and photo presentation. That is tops in the class. This paper also provides good, easy to read features with strong leads. It’s a home-spun feel-good paper with a professional flair.

2nd place – Photographer of the Year (competing with all newspapers)
Judge Bill White: Strong features. Some very nice lighting.

1st place – Best Creative Advertising (under 9,999) – ad promoting Casey365.com
Judge Wayne Aubert: Unexpected clean layout for the clutter of ads in a community paper.

1st place – Best Feature Photo (under 9,999) – cover photo from Parkhill fair
Judge Dave White: I think the photographer made some smart decisions regarding depth of field and camera angle to help us feel this child’s pure joy. The viewer is right there with her. I really love this image.

2nd place – Education Writing – SHDHS music trip to Chicago
Judge Richard Dal Monte: Great photos and a good idea going along for the ride on the band trip to the Windy City.

3rd place – Best Sports Photo – Hockey Night in Zurich dressing room photo
Judge Ron Scheffler: The photographer is commended for exploring behind the scenes to reveal a closer look at those who play simply for the love of the sport.

3rd place – Best Photo Layout – Parkhill’s Five Fun Days
Judge Joe Callahan: An uncomplicated layout and typography that allowed the photograph to communicate effectively.

3rd place – Best Rural Story (under 9,999) – potato farmer Marcus Koenig
Judge Jake Boudrot: Well written, well researched, significant local story, with a nice layout and excellent photographs.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Happy belated Mother’s Day to one and all. What a great station in life it has been for me to have the privilege and fortune to have been able to attain. I hope it has been as wonderful an experience for others as it has been for me. Being a mother has been a roller coaster of emotions, but for me it has been the best time of my life with absolutely no regrets. It is an honour to have raised five great and successful sons. Thank you boys for all you’ve achieved to make me happy and proud to be called your mother. This past weekend I was specially proud and delighted to attend an awards ceremony where Casey won eight awards for the Grand Bend Strip. What a thrill that was. Way to go, Casey!

As mothers, we don’t get much time to relax, but occasionally we let the housework slide and watch a game show or two. One day, I was talking to my neighbour and she was saying how her husband came home from work one day to find the house in complete disarray. There she was plopped in front of the TV. “So that’s what you do while I’m at work?” he said, smirking. “I just happened to have it on,” she lied. The jig was up the next day when the family was watching the prime minister giving a speech. As he stepped out of his car and waved to the cheering crowd, her son shouted, “Look, mommy, he won the car!”

As mothers go, I always considered myself a half decent housekeeper. I enjoyed playing games with the kids, so that was my excuse for not being 100 per cent perfect in that area. My friend, on the other hand, was a bit of a cleaning fanatic. The one Friday night her teenagers had a party down in the recreation room, and she was not too happy about the mess they made, so she made them clean it up. As she watched them work, it was clear that she was completely dissatisfied with their cleaning efforts and she let them know. Finally the son, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked, “Can I use this, or are you planning to go somewhere?” Wow! How brave was that?!

From Reader’s Digest:
All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar.
Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.
Just be kind and good to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into the home.

Hints from Woman’s World:
Like to round off that gas purchase to a nice even number? Don’t bother. Adding fuel after the pump’s auto shut-off kick actually doesn’t get you any extra. The tank needs a bit of room for gas to expand, and any extra fuel evaporates into the car’s vapor collection system. What’s worse, it could cause poor engine performance. Wow, who knew? If this is true, it’s a lesson for me.

While you’re gardening carry a quart size spray bottle filled with a couple of drops of liquid dish soap and water. If you see bugs attacking your flowers, give them a hefty squirt and they’ll fly away.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

What’s with this weather already? A couple of nice, sunny days, and then it’s spoiled with cold and frost. Twice this past week I had to scrape the ice off my windshield. It’s half a wonder why people get sick when one day we’re wearing shorts and the next it’s back to the sweaters and winter jackets.
Well, we have to wear clothes anyway, but do you ever wonder why we do it to ourselves? Generation after generation of women has willingly exposed themselves to the high risk of pantyhose strangulation, girdle-induced respiratory arrest and turtleneck gagging. What kind of sick people punish themselves like this?
Men, too, continue to punish themselves. Just look at the necktie. Where did that idea come from? Perhaps from watching too many westerns? Some bright eyed designer must have been watching a hanging one day and thought, “Now there’s an idea that could really catch on!”
At least it stays tight. Contrast that with pantyhose, a nylon half-body suit that fits like a tourniquet but gradually loosens throughout the day until it folds at the ankle like ribbon candy? Not pretty, but we love it.
Spandex is another thing. I’ve seen both sexes wearing it, and believe me, I honestly think some people wearing it these days are seriously violating the spandex rules of engagement. You know who I’m talking about.
High-heeled shoes are another bad fashion idea. Backaches, bunions, sore feet, fallen arches, etc. Come on, people. Give it up! Sweats, socks, running shoes and sensible walking shoes are our reward for enduring decades of fashion abuse. Embrace them.
Bottom line is, clothes and other apparel shouldn’t punish us. I may be showing my age, but considering I just celebrated my 69th birthday, I feel I’ve earned that privilege. Even though people say I don’t look a day over 68, I am what I am. Thanks for the thought anyway.

Thank you to my husband, sons and daughters-in-law, my sister Joan, brother Peter and brothers Bill and Richard, as well as my friends Deb and Roy for the cards and gifts for my April 5th birthday. Your kindness is overwhelming.

Lighter notes
Someone once told me to marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so does his eyesight.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Overheard at Tim’s?
A woman walked up to the manager. “Are you hiring any help?”, she asked.
“No,” he replied, “we already have all the staff we need.”
“Okay,” she said, “then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?”

Touché.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Daylight saving time: is this a good thing or a bad thing? Whether it started in the First World War or it started the First World War, I don’t know. All I know is that we’re denied an extra hour of sleep. That’s not a pretty thing, especially in respect to my regular Monday morning customers. Most of them are a little cranky first thing anyway, so you should see them when they haven’t had enough sleep.
I think it all comes down to a lack of patience. They say the great thinker Socrates had a lot of patience, but I think Rodin’s model for the sculpture, The Thinker, had more. I have a lot of patience, but I don’t think I could pose in that position for too long. Brr! Get me my Snuggie already.
Most people today don’t have the patience for people who stand around thinking. For instance, when you come into Tim’s and you’re standing in line waiting to place your order, you’d think you would know what you want by the time you’re in front of me. Not necessarily true! Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s fine to be a thinker and stand around contemplating life, but the customers behind you don’t have the same patience as I do. Heck, it’s not as if I’m going anywhere.
I guess thinkers are a dying breed. At a stop light, when the light turns green, that’s no time to sit daydreaming or even thinking. When you hear that horn beeping behind you, you’d better get moving, sister! See what I mean? No patience.
There are so many places you have to stand in line and practice patience. In the bank and the grocery store, that’s a sure thing. For heaven’s sake, you don’t want to ever hold up the line thinking at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Geez, grab the check and go already. People have no patience when they’re tired or hungry, so quit your thinking and move on before you give yourself a headache.

St. Patrick’s Day
Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, even though St. Patty himself wasn’t (he was a British missionary). For most Irish-Americans, this holiday is partly festive and partly religious. Many Irish came to Canada and the United States and brought their saint and traditions with them. In fact, today there are more people of Irish descent than there are in Ireland.
St. Patrick’s name is found all over Ireland, where it is used for town names including Kirkpatrick and Kilpatrick, and family names such as Kirkpatrick and Fitzpatrick. That name, Fitzpatrick, was my mother’s maiden name. Mom hated the colour green, and always told me never to buy anything green, but I couldn’t because green is my favourite colour.
The Irish, who have the shamrock as their symbol, believe good and bad things come in threes. Three tasks, three wishes, three brothers, three sisters. How odd is that? I come from a family of seven, and have three brothers and three sisters. Then mommy, daddy and baby make three.

O’Casey
Getting back to Irish names, sometimes Casey would upset me and I’d say, “Oh, Casey, stop doing that.” Guess I said it enough that some people thought his name was O’Casey, which is a great Irish name.

Inspired by the holiday
A man in New Zealand was arrested for setting his underwear on fire and riding through town on a motorized bar stool. The charge? Driving without a license.

A snatch-and-grab thief in London decided to see how much he could scoop from the display window of a jewelry store. But first he had to break the window, so he pried a manhole cover off the street and hurled it through the window. He grabbed the jewelry and took off running. He might have gotten away with this crime had he not fallen, you guessed it, down the open manhole.

They say you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but what are you going to do with all those flies?
Happy 80th birthday to Joan Smith.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

By the time you read this article, I will have started my Lenten fast. Shrove Tuesday, better known as Pancake Tuesday or Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday), will be the last hooray for me as I will give up the goodies until April 3, the Saturday before Easter Sunday. Forty days of sacrifice. By now my friends are accustomed to my habit of doing this and bear with me as my moods can change from the lack of sugar. Thank you to everyone for being so patient.
Chinese traditions
February 14 rang in the Chinese New Year, and this is the year of the tiger. To usher in luck and prosperity, the Chinese exchange money in small red envelopes. For the best karma, they hand out cash in even numbers, the number eight being the luckiest.
I really enjoy reading my daily horoscope, and I usually read Casey’s as well. A few weeks ago, I was reading Casey’s and it said he would do well in pursuing a career in communications, journalism, or photography. How freaky is that?
The Chinese horoscope uses animal signs based on the year the person was born. This is a fun thing; as you look at this lineup, you may see some traits that relate to you according to the year you were born. Enjoy!

Tiger (1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010) – Passionate, powerful, love luxury, and loyal to friends and family.
Rabbit (1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999) – Diplomatic, romantic, can turn a profit, and love to try new things.
Dragon (1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000) – Extroverted, like to learn new things, optimistic, inexhaustible.
Snake (1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001) – Great intuition, wise advisor, love live, lots of youthful energy.
Horse (1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002) – Determined, talented, encouraging, live in the moment.
Sheep (1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003) – Make friends easily, creative, artistic, elegant, nurturing.
Monkey (1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004) – Verbal, expressive, witty, enjoy the spotlight.
Rooster (1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005) – Outspoken, opinionated, confident, ambitious, can easily inspire people.
Dog (1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006) – Protective of loved ones, good with money, always lend a hand to those in need.
Pig (1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007) – Humble yet confident, honest, usually in the right place at the right time.
Rat (1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008) – Problem solver, value independence, have great people skills.
Ox (1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009) – Loyal friend, hate surprises, practical, tend to distrust authority

My fair valentine
Donna: He’s so romantic, every time he greets me, he starts with “Fair lady.”
Joyce: Romantic, my eye! He used to be a bus driver!

Happy birthday to my grandson Jonah & Molly McCann (March 4), Robert Peter (February 24), and my granddaughter Abby (March 12).

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Christmas has come and gone and, on the whole, I imagine most people were pleased with the presents they received. Some people are hard to please, resulting in the regifting concept. Every year, my mother disliked the presents my brother Richard and I gave her, which I thought was fine because by March she would forget who gave her the gifts and would ask me to take them off her hands.
Tom and I did were blessed to receive many gifts this year. There were, however, a few glitches. Tom got some underwear without a pee hole (the latest fashion, apparently) but they weren’t really for him. Nevertheless, he is keeping them, so good luck, Mr. Pee Pee Pants.
Tom also got one of those hearing aids advertised on TV, but apparently it doesn’t work. I received a car starter, which was quite exciting, but I had to return it because it didn’t have all the parts to install and would take an additional $200 to get it working. The rest of our gifts were wonderful and I am thankful to have such a generous family.
I had a customer tell me that the gift she gave her husband was a bit of a disappointment. She said she bought him an SUV, which made me think, Wow! That’s a great gift. That was until she said, “Yeah, Jack was a little sour with my idea. Who wouldn’t appreciate an SUV – socks, underwear and Viagra?” You can’t please everyone; try again next year.
I don’t know why we aggravate ourselves by making New Year’s resolutions. My resolution was to abstain from making resolutions. I do better at Lent, when I give up all sweets. It’s only for 40 days, so it’s easy to manage than torturing myself for 365.
Here is a New Year’s belief, Scottish or Irish. A tall, dark and handsome man brings good luck to your home, as long as he isn’t flat-footed. Similarly, the first person you meet walking down the road signifies your future. If it’s a child, you’re lucky, but if it’s a gravedigger, not so much.

Since Tom fell and broke his leg last month, I won’t be going on any trips this year, which means I can put my language lessons on hold. They say that English is one of the hardest languages to learn, and these signs seem to show that’s true:
In a Japanese hotel room – “Please to bathe inside the tub.”
In a Finnish hostel – “If you cannot reach the fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window.”
In a Copenhagen airport – “We take your baggage and send them in all directions.” Such honesty!

Amid the holiday rush, the Christmas airline traveler was curious and asked why there was a mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter. The clerk replied, “It’s so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”

Happy birthday to Mike (Jan. 24) and Glenn (Feb. 19). Happy anniversary to my husband of 47 years (Feb. 8). Happy New Year to my family, friends and neighbours!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Merry Christmas to one and all. This is one of my favourite times of the year. Most people are happy and cheerful at this time as they enjoy the company and goodness of their family and friends. At this time, I would like to share some Christmas trivia with you.

I’m sure most people are familiar with the traditional 12 days of Christmas. The Aussies interpret the song differently; here is the final verse:
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Twelve goanna goin,
Eleven snakes a-sliding,
Ten dingoes dashing,
Nine wombats waddling,
Eight koalas clinging,
Seven emus running,
Six ‘roos a-jumping,
Five opals black,
Four great galahs,
Three parakeets,
Two cockatoos,
And a kookaburra up a gum tree.

I’m not familiar with some of these words; sorry, I’m from Montreal, so I don’t profess to know everything.
Let’s kiss under the what???
Did you know that the word mistletoe is an Anglo-Saxon word meaning dung on a twig? Apparently it was thought that life could spring spontaneously from dung. Mistletoe groups on tree branches, and since bird droppings are commonly found on tree limbs, the words mistel (meaning dung) and tan (meaning twig) thus blend to give you dung on a tree. True story.
Hey, it’s not as if you’re eating the stuff, just kissing under it, for heaven’s sake.
Apparently the tradition of midnight mass on Christmas originated in the belief that the Christ child was born at the stroke of midnight.
These trying times
Christmas can be frustrating sometimes. My greatest frustration was hiding the gifts so my kids would be surprised on Christmas Day. This, I’m sure, didn’t happen as long as Mike was around. It was amazing how he knew exactly what everyone was getting. Believe mem, I would wrap everything and code it some way or other, and that didn’t matter. I almost think he unwrapped and rewrapped everything. Since I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer at this busy time of year, he got away with it for years until one day the cat was let out of the bag and I found out. From then, I took all the gifts to a neighbour’s house and didn’t bring them home until Christmas Eve.
If you have this problem and you don’t want to store your stuff at a neighbour’s, you might want to try this: use different wrapping paper for each member of the family. Gifts can be left in plain sight under the tree and no one will know which is theirs until it comes time to open them. No gift tags necessary!

Some people think that Christmas is like a day in the office: you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Happy birthday to my brother Richard (27th) and my son Casey (16th), and happy anniversary to Bill and Christine (15th).

Overheard (as told by my friend Frank): Things are still bad in the banking industry. The other day, a lady went to the bank and asked the teller to check her balance, so he reached over and gave her a push.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

My wonderful sister Joan treated Tom and I to Remembrance Day dinner at the Grand Bend Legion November 7. We had a great time and the meal was, as usual, superb. Thanks, Joan.
On Wednesday November 11th, Tom and I were out again to celebrate Remembrance Day. This is such a solemn occasion and I always get teary-eyed when I hear the sorrowful sound of the bagpipes and when I sing ‘O Canada’. After the ceremony, we enjoyed some fellowship and a great luncheon provided by the hardworking Legion staff. Thank you so much. It was just swell.

A free lunch
On the lighter side, I heard this veteran telling a story while on leave after a year-long tour of duty in Korea. He said that his first craving when he got home to Canada was a meal at McDonald’s. Much to his surprise, the cashier took on look at his uniform and refused his money. “Thanks,” he said. “Sure,” she replied, “we never charge bus drivers.”

Blind man’s bluff
I’m not sure whether his second story was true or not, but you can be the judge:
Two female privates are ordered to paint the general’s office. They are warned not to get paint on their uniforms, so they lock the door, strip off their clothes and get to work. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door. “Blind man.” Seeing no harm in allowing him in, the privates open the door. “Hi,” says the man, “where do you want the blinds?”

Roadside assistance
On a more serious note, if you travel or commute in the winter, it is worth taking a little extra time and make sure you have an emergency kit in the trunk. You might want to include the following things:

• a good scraper;
• snow brush;
• blanket;
• hats & mitts;
• matches and candles;
• canned fruits and nuts, and a can opener;
• traction mats;
• small shovel;
• help sign and Call Police sign;
• and jumper cables.

Now would be a good time to do this, while the weather is still nice.

Bumper stumpers
When I was in a variety store a while back, I saw some bumper stickers. I’ll share them with you.
I have good brakes. Do you have good insurance?
I may be slow, I’m ahead of you.
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
Out of my mind – Back in five minutes.

Happy Birthday to Bill and Katie Lessard.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

I hope everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday. We were lucky to celebrate this holiday twice: once with our sons Bill and Casey, their ladies, our two grandsons, my sister Joan and my brothers Richard and Bill. Then on Monday, we went to London and celebrated with Tom, Connie, Christopher and Katie. We have so much to be thankful for, and I’m sure everyone is grateful and gave thanks on Thanksgiving.
About two weeks before Thanksgiving I was lucky and won the jackpot at the Tuesday night Bingo. For this I gave thanks everyday. In fact, I’m thankful any day that I can get out of bed and take nourishment. I give thanks everyday, not just one day of the year. Although I was overjoyed with my winnings at Bingo, in my excitement I dabbed my slacks with my Bingo dabber. But I didn’t despair because I’m always doing research for my column. I discovered that if you have ball point ink that you went to remove, aerosol hair spray will do the trick. I figured it would work that same way with the dabber ink.
Try this technique: hold a rag under the fabric to blot the ink that comes through on the other side. Aim and spray. Then, put the clothing in the wash. The alcohol in the hair spray is what does the trick. It will also work on your hands, leather or plastic. This really works.
Any alcohol-based products seem to be able to to double duty. For instance, alcohol-based mouthwash can be used for more than swishing in your mouth. It also keeps your plants healthy. Fill one part mouthwash to three parts water in a spray bottle. Spray directly on your plants’ leaves and into the soil. Works like a charm. Have a small cut you need to disinfect? Dab the area with a mouthwash soaked cotton ball.
Looking forward
Hallowe’en is our next holiday. On this occasion, I kinda go nuts with decorations and sprucing up the yard and house. I really need to be careful and not buy goodies too early because I usually get things I like and the temptation can be a bit much.
Here’s an idea: if you use real pumpkin for your jack-o-lantern, try sprinkling some cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg on the inside of the lid. The heat of the candle will make this combination smell like pumpkin pie.

Watch your diet
Since Hallowe’en can play havoc with your diet, one needs to be careful. That brings me to my joke of the week. Jim grabbed his plate and walked up to the party buffet for the fourth time. “Aren’t you embarrassed to go back for so many helpings?” asked his wife. “Not a bit,” he replied. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Did you know that happy people are healthier than people who are always ticked off or negative? Maybe that’s why I’m so healthy. The happiest – and healthiest – time of my young life was when I was in school, so it must be true.
Some of my teachers didn’t appear all that healthy. Take, for instance, my Grade 10 history teacher Miss Carter. Now there was a case of unhappiness if I ever saw one. I’m not sure what her problem was, but I assume her students were at the root of her unhealthiness. Seeing as history was a study course, and a bit of a boring one at that, most of the students weren’t too ambitious. I recall the one day after we got our test results that Miss Carter was quite upset because most of the test results were pretty bad. I’m not bragging here, but my score was the highest in the class: 65 per cent. The next highest was 50 per cent, so I can understand why she was frazzled. That day must have brought her to the end of her rope because she said we all drove her nuts and if we didn’t smarten up, she was going to jump out the classroom window. Being the class clown, I jumped up and opened the window. She was too stressed to notice my offer, but my classmates got a chuckle out of it. That’s one case where humour can save your life.

Casey’s advice last week suggesting students should attend every class was right on the money, but sometimes I think teachers would prefer parents kept their children at home. My friend Diane had two sons who she admitted were kids from hell; they never gave her any rest. We all lived in the same apartment building in London, and Joey and Junior were always doing something that drove everyone nuts. Joey enjoyed hanging off the third floor balcony, which always gave us heart attacks. Junior wasn’t a daredevil, but he must have had a bladder problem because he was always peeing in the apartment stairwell.
The boys were in school for about a week, and I asked Diane how the boys liked it.
“Not too bad,” she said, “but I’m a little upset today.”
“How so,” I asked. “I’d think you’d be overjoyed to get a bit of a reprieve.”
“Well, I am,” she replied, “but I just got a call from Joey’s teacher complaining about his behaviour in class. Can you imagine the gall she has? He’s only been back to school and already she’s whining.”
I asked why that surprised her.
“It doesn’t surprise me,” she said, “but what annoys me is that I had Joey all summer and I never called her once to complain that he was misbehaving.”
The poor woman had a point.
Teachers, hang in there and keep smiling. Some days have to be better than others. Stay happy and healthy.

The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and was suddenly turned into a pillar of salt.
“My mother looked back once while she was driving,” little Jamie contributed, “and she turned into a telephone pole.”

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

On Tuesday, August 18, Tom and I attended the annual chicken barbecue for the Crediton Zion Church. This event is always well attended, and a lot of fun with plenty of food and good fellowship. It’s so nice living in a small town, knowing so many people and hearing the stories about the health and welfare of the many friends one has acquired over the years. I find that a lot of gossip is spread at these affairs, and although the women probably hold the record for being gossipy, the men seemed to be just as good. As a matter of fact, I was listening to a conversation with two very humorous gentlemen.
“So Gerry,” the one man said. “I met Gladys the other day on main street.”
“Oh, ya,” Gerry replied. “I hear she hasn’t been feeling too well.”
“I don’t know about that,” said the other fellow. “When I mentioned that I had heard about her being bedridden, her reply was, ‘Hardly. I haven’t been bedridden since my husband died five years ago.’”
That Gladys always was a cracker.

Sports injuries
My best regards for a speedy recovery for my young friend Tanya, who fell off her bike and now has her arm in a sling. It’s so sad because she will be out of action for a while; there go her golfing and slo-pitch seasons.
My mother was quite active in her day, but wasn’t exempt from injuring her limbs. I recall the evening she had a bowling date and put her knee out.
This was a fluke of an accident. As she was wiggling into her girdle, she somehow veered right when she should have gone left, and snap, the knee went out of place.
“Darn,” she exclaimed, “this will never do.” Always quick thinking, she just gave her knee a good whack and put it back in place. There, good as new, and she went on to bowl the best game of the season. Feisty, that mother of mine. Lord only knows how she could bowl in that contraption in the first place. I guess fashion was important. Comfort must have been secondary. You certainly wouldn’t want to pass gas. It wouldn’t have anywhere to escape. Like they say, “Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.”

This week’s tips

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

“Hello, Complaints Department. Rita speaking. How may I help you?” This is my new line, and I feel justified in saying this because anytime there’s a complaint, it is inevitably addressed to me. Some people have an ear for music; I have an ear for complaints. I can live with this role, but sometimes the complaints are a bit much.
For instance, take the beautiful warm weather we’ve had in the last few days. Would you believe people are complaining it’s too hot? I swore in May, June and July that I would slap the first person who complained about the sunny weather. However, I’m not generally a violent person, so I had to restrain myself a few times. Enjoy this weather people because I’m sure it won’t last that long.
Working with the public I have people complaining all the time. I have one customer who gets a large coffee with four milks and three sugars, and then complains that the coffee is cold. For a few weeks this was an ongoing complaint, so I created a science experiment – there a science to making coffee – to solve this problem. The next time this order came in, I put four small milks in the coffee, nuked it and then give the customer a couple of take out milks on the side. Problem solved. One happy customer.
After many years of marriage, my friend Bev complained that her husband Ted was no longer as romantic as he once was. For instance, the other day she and Ted were walking through the park and noticed a young man and a woman sitting on a bench passionately kissing. Inspired by the way the man was kissing his partner, Bev turned to Ted and asked him why he didn’t do that. Ted replied, “Dear, I don’t even know that young woman.”
Some complaints can be fixed and others can’t. You have to pick your battles. Customers think I’m a soft touch because they always come to me or they’ll call and ask for me. This is fine because I lead them to think that the customer is always right whether they are or not. It’s much easier to make them happy by apologizing for the wrongs done to them than it is to argue and waste time. Replace their order and offer them a free donut and let them be on their ways. Easy night!
Some helpful hints on some common complaints:

• Keep counters cat-free – If your kitty loves to jump onto your counter, try this trick. Put a few aluminum baking pans on the top of the counter – the noise will stop your cat doing it again.
• My friend Sharon’s dog encountered the wrath of a nasty skunk. Her mother suggested she get a small bottle of peroxide, mix it with half a box of baking soda and a tablespoon of dish detergent. Brush this mixture on the dog and rinse with warm water. I hope this works. I just got this problem solver about and hour ago, so I hope it worked for Sharon.
• With the nice weather come the mosquitoes, and other insects. Pin a used fabric softener sheet to your skirt or clip some to the bottom of chairs and tables. The bugs will fly elsewhere.

Happy birthday to my daughter-in-law Christine – August 15th.

P.S. The next issue will have the results of Sharon’s dog’s dilemma.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Last week, our son Glenn brought his daughters Olivia and Abby for a two day visit. Since Tom has been having trouble with his leg, he stayed home while we went to Grand Bend for a great time on the new and improved beachfront. Tuesday night we went to the Star-lite Drive-In in Shipka to see the latest Harry Potter movie. I have never had the chance to see any of these movies, so it was quite a treat.
At the drive-in, Glenn impressed me with his ingenuity. In the past when we went to the drive-in, we always had to put the windows up because of the mosquitoes and other pesky insects that would invade us. Before Glenn went to the movie, he bought some window screening, cut out the pattern of his windows, and just before the movie started, he taped the screening to the open window. We all enjoyed an insect- and condensation-free night with the breeze flowing through the screening. What a neat idea.
Glenn’s pretty smart. He also gave me a tip for my coffee-drinking customers. He said that in order to prevent spilling his coffee while he’s driving, he inserts the lid tab inside the cup instead of the outside, thus drinking the coffee as opposed to wearing it. I guess it works because I suggested this trick to a lady customer who asked for a straw to drink her coffee, and she said a truck driver told her that that was what he did. Who knew?

Gardening hurts your knees?
Make kneepads with newspaper. After you’ve read the Grand Bend Strip, save it and use it in this way (Ed: Mom! My precious paper!). Fold enough newspaper to make a thickness of one inch, wrap tightly with a cloth or plastic bag and seal the open ends with duct tape. Voila. Knee pads!

Outdoor tools rusty?
Metal tools left on a damp lawn or stored in a humid garage can quickly develop rust. To clean them, dip the metal portion in a pot of cider vinegar for 24 hours. Remove and wipe with a clean dry rag. Rust will come off easily.

Our society is too automated
Have you ever noticed that when a traffic signal turns green, it automatically activates the horn of the car behind you?

Found in The Sun magazine:
Pete was telling a friend that he had just lost his job. “Why did the foreman fine you?” the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,” Pete said, “You know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”
“Sure,” replied his friend, “But why did he let you go?”
“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Congratulations to my young friend Tanya, who has accepted a marriage proposal from her boyfriend Rubin. The happy couple will soon be out searching for the right engagement ring. I hope Rubin is prepared to spend a bit of cash. When Tom purchased my ring, it cost him $200, but that was 47 years ago and I imagine the prices have gone up since. And this is just the start of the money spending thing.

Made of money? Yeah, right!
Did your mother ever say to you, “Do you think I’m made of money?” or “Do you think money grows on trees?” Well, I always knew the answer to both of those expressions was no because there was no way I was getting money out of my mother. First of all, we lived in a poor neighbourhood with very few trees, and if you looked at my wise mother, you knew she wasn’t made of money. Not that she was cheap; she just didn’t have any. They say a fool and his money are soon parted, but my mother was no fool and therefore, there was no parting with her money.

Criminal activity
I’ve often heard the term drug money. They must be talking about the health care system, because if you don’t have a good drug plan, you’ll certainly be out of luck and money very quickly when you have a problem. Drug money must be pretty lucrative for doctors, now that they’ve become the best providers of drugs. I think it’s fair to say that unless you’re blessed with good health, you’ll need lots of drug money.
I’ve always been a big fan of money laundering schemes. I recall doing my son Bill’s laundry one day when I came across a $20 bill. Eureka! However, my happiness was short-lived after Bill realized he’d left the money in his pocket, shouting down the stairs, “Ma, did you find the $20 I left in my pocket?” What else could I do but reply emphatically, “Yes, Bill.”
Bill has always kept a good eye on his money. He’s very generous, be he ponders every purchase he’s going to make and seems to enjoy dickering to get the best deal. No fool, that boy!
Most people trust their money to the banks, and that’s a good thing for my son Glenn, who is a banker. I always knew that would be the business for Glenn. I recall a time when he was three years old and he had a dime in his hand. I said, “Glenn, give mommy that money.” He stubbornly replied, “No.” As I approached to retrieve the darn coin, he shoved it in his mouth and swallowed it. His first deposit! Who knew? He could have gone into the sanitation business, considering he was a devil to potty train, but I guess banking won out in the end.

You don’t know your math
Bill and Glenn seem to have a pretty good handle on the money situation; perhaps they take after me, because I can spend and save as good as the best of them. I remember when I was young, I was asked a math question: “Rita, if you have $2, and you asked your mother for $4, how much would you have?” “Oh,” I replied, “that’s easy. Two dollars.”
“Huh,” was the reply, “that’s wrong. You certainly don’t know your math.”
“Oh yeah?” I said. “Well, you certainly don’t know my mother.”

Advice for the week:
Having trouble sleeping? Try eating pitted fruit like cherries, plums, peaches, etc.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Finally, summer has arrived and all of the children have completed another school year. Hopefully all the students had a successful year and will enjoy the summer.
The parents, on the other hand, have the unenviable task of keeping all of those kids occupied. Most mothers work, so they have the big job of sending the kids to babysitters or camp or whatever other programs are available. Fortunately, I was able to be a stay at home mom for quite a few years so I could enjoy the summers with the boys.
For a few years, we had a day program called SPARKS run by Steve Wuerth and Lynn Farquhar. These two young people were the finest I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Their skills as organizers and entertainers were phenomenal. The kids had a very fun time playing sports and games, doing crafts and going on field trips. The cost was minimal, so nobody felt it was a hardship to participate. I volunteered my services when I could and had a fun time doing so.
My guys were always kept busy; they never said they were bored. Maybe they were smarter than the average bear because anyone who complained of boredom was put to work. Perhaps those people, considering the busy hot summers we used to have, looked forward to going back to school in September. Like that ever happened. That said, sometimes I think kids would prefer to be in school because they never say they’re bored there. Why do we subject them to all of the time that they have to stay home; after all, the poor darlings must be bored out of their minds.
There are so many good things to do in the summer, if and when we get it. I think it’s a little late this year because I haven’t seen too many really hot days yet. Maybe it will last a little longer this year, say past November.
I look forward to summer food, such as fresh fruits and vegetables, and because we can be more active, we don’t tend to gain as much weight. I’ve often heard the expression, “give me a ball park figure,” and thought it meant a rough idea of the cost of something, so I was quite amused when my friend said her husband had quite a ballpark figure, meaning he was quite chubby because he loved hot dogs and beer. Who would have thought?

Car sickness advice
Heading on a summer road trip? Many people, especially children, experience car sickness, and apparently this is caused by a disturbance in your inner ear that throws off your sense of equilibrium. Apparently not moving your head is calming to your inner ear and will make you feel better.
When the boys were young, we traveled quite a bit, but they never had car sickness because as soon as we were out of Exeter, they were asleep. I was, too. Having a portable DVD player is a great way to entertain kids on a long trip, but it’s the last thing you want for car sickness. Playing games that encourage the sufferer to look out the window are far better. My granddaughter Abby gets car sick a lot, so this tip is for you, Glen. For more, check www.momsminivan.com

A joke
The young couple invited their parson for Sunday dinner. While they were preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. “Goat,” the little boy replied.
“Goat?”, asked the startled man of the cloth. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yep,” said the youngster. I heard Pa say to Ma, “Might as well have the old goat for dinner; today’s as good as any other day.”

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

For the first week in June, I had the pleasure of babysitting my granddaughter Katie, age seven, and my grandson Christopher, who will be 17 on June 26. My main charge was the seven year old, but I was responsible to keep an eye on Christopher also.
Before my daughter-in-law left, she told me to keep a look out for activities that could arise with the appearance of Christopher’s girlfriend; it was a big job, but I figured I was up to the challenge.
The first night I met the girlfriend was quite uneventful as they watched TV under the seven-year-old’s supervision. I wasn’t really concerned as my grandson assured me that the girl wasn’t his girlfriend, but rather a friend who happened to be a girl. I think the sweet little girl thought differently, considering the way she clung to him like a coat two sizes too small. Girls are probably more romantic and slightly clingier. Christopher’s a sweet and handsome guy so he will probably have quite a few “friends” before he settles down. He’s only 17 so he’s got a while to go. I hope he doesn’t break too many hearts along the way.

Maybe times have changed. I remember when I was young and available that if a guy held your hand, he was yours. I recall going out with this very handsome guy a couple of times and then I ditched him. My mother almost broke out in a rash when she found out, she said, “For heaven’s sake, Rita, why did you ditch that lovely guy, Bob? He seemed so respectable.”
My reply was, “Of course he is mom, he’s thrifty, doesn’t drink or smoke, has a very steady job, a very lovely wife and three well-behaved children.” Call me crazy. Such a catch.
With another fellow I met, I told him I wasn’t looking to get involved with any one particular guy at the time.
“Lucky for you, Rita,” he said, “I’m not exactly known for being particular.” Another rash for mom. Lucky Tom came along and solved the problem for both of us.
I was talking to a young person the other day who told me she had two boyfriends. I thought that was irregular, but she explained to me that her first boyfriend complained that she wasn’t affectionate enough so she picked up a second one. I guess that’s alright because, as my grandson says, they’re just friends who happen to be girls or boys.
A while ago, I asked a friend why she married her husband despite the fact that they didn’t seem to have too much in common. She agreed, but noted that opposites attract. “I was pregnant,” she said, “and he wasn’t.”

Humour fix
Here’s a joke my friend Frank told me:
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either,” he shouted, and stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he had better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer the phone?”
“I was in bed,” she said.
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
To which she answered, “Getting a second opinion.”

Some people say marriage is nature’s way of keeping people from fighting with strangers. Quite true. Good luck to all the people who are getting married this year.

Happy birthday to Christopher (17 on June 26), Will (4 on June 26), Connie (June 30), Olivia (16 on July 1).

Sign at a pool: The P is already in Pool, so please don’t add yours to it.
Sign on a lawn: What leaves your dog’s behind, please don’t leave behind.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Waste! How is it that we have so much waste? I suppose it’s simple enough to figure out. As a wasteful society, we have way too much stuff. I was talking the other day about recycling when I was at Curves, and Anne Armstrong claimed to be the queen of recycling. I told her she should join forces with Tom because he’s the absolute best when it comes to recycling; at least, I can’t keep up with him. I usually put most of the paper and cardboard on the counter and let him get on with his pastime. Perhaps he should give lessons on this very important subject.
Waste is so abundant that people not only waste stuff, but they also waste time, energy and opportunity. At work, people waste time and the boss’ money. Not too long ago, I heard a worker complaining about how dumb their boss was. What they don’t realize is that they’d be out of a job if their dumb boss were any smarter. In this economy, they really should watch their mouths, which are usually working overtime while their minds are on vacation.
On March 4, we were blessed with a new grandson, Jonah, a little brother for Will and a second son for Bill and Christine. Kids are so great and very smart. I recall bragging one day about how smart one of my sons was because he was able to walk at nine months. My neighbour looked at me and said, “You call that intelligent? When my Sara was that old, she let me carry her.” Right! So much for being proud.
Well, it doesn’t matter because all of my sons have been able to stand on their own two feet and it’s especially nice when they walk in the house and say, I love you mom. I wonder if Sara can do that. Meow!
Thoughts for the month: keep smiling, be cheerful and good luck to all the students who are getting ready to finish their school year. Make us proud!

Dandelion solution
I suppose we had better get used to the colour yellow on our lawns. Although green is my favourite colour, I can live with yellow now that the ban on pesticides has been issued. That’s a good reason for the family to pull together and make a summer project of pulling weeds. It’s been suggested that hot water and vinegar will get rid of dandelions. It’s up to you!
Have fun and enjoy the summer.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Thanks to my sister Joan, I was the happy recipient of a very leisurely holiday in Punta Cana for 10 days.
I don’t know about Joan, but for me, it was a very pleasant vacation and a much needed rest with plenty of sunshine – a respite from the frigid weather that you unfortunate souls had to endure the last part of March and the first week of April. I was quite surprised to see snow when I came back, but now as I look out it is sunny and warm. Hopefully we’ve seen the last of the white stuff.
The secret to a successful trip is preparation before you leave. For instance, the most important thing is getting your passport. When I renew my passport in two years, I will be on my fourth application. Still, It doesn’t matter how many times you apply: the government will still put you through the same crap. Even though these jokers know that my mother’s maiden name will never change, or that my birth month, day and year will never change, they still insist I give them the same information every time I deal with them. I know they know who I am: over the years, I’ve had a social insurance card, birth certificate, and filled out income tax forms, etc. You can see why I’m surprised I have to go through so much to convince these people who I am.
I suppose it’s quite a cash grab, though; when I first applied forty years ago, the passport cost me $5. Now they’ve raised the stakes, so be sure you save some extra vacation money for the passport.
In the past, you could smile when you got your passport picture taken, but not today. No smiling! If you don’t look like a criminal, you can’t leave the country! I supposed they figure you’re ticked off after all the bull they’ve put you through.

Speaking of which, this vacation was my first time encountering the dreaded Montezuma’s Revenge, or as some people call it, the tiki trots; in plain English, diarrhea. For the first week or so, it was a stop and go situation. In case the reading public is ever plagued with this condition, here are some helpful hints:
- Drink plenty of fluids.
- Eat foods like mashed carrots, chicken broth, crackers, dry toast, bananas, Jell-O, apple sauce.
- Stay away from dairy, except yogurt.
- Also avoid explosives like beans, cabbage and Brussels sprouts.
- Try to maintain a bland diet until your condition passes (maybe that’s a bad way to say it. Correction: until you’re relieved of the ring around the bowl).
If you are lucky enough to be able to travel outside Canada and unlucky enough to encounter the Katmandu Quick Stop, take comfort in something like Imodium, or as some people will say, “put a plug in it.”

Not to worry, though; I’m back in good stead, and just in time to congratulate Casey for winning his newspaper awards. You’re the best, signed your prejudiced mother.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

What a glorious sunny day! This past Friday, March 6, the warm sun was shining and the promise of nice weather appeared to be our reward for enduring such a bitterly cold three months of icy temperatures. But, alas, it was short lived; I went to start my car early Saturday morning and it was back to scraping the ice off. Then came the rain, but I’m not one to despair as my mind is on my plans to go to Punta Cana on March 23. Thanks to the generosity of my sister Joan, I’m able to go somewhere that will thaw me out.
I’ve been packed for at least three weeks, so I guess you could say I’m eager to go. I probably won’t get much of a tan, but with any luck my freckles and age spots will make it look like I belong. Joan will be quite tanned as she’s been around. Let me rephrase that: she’s a seasoned traveler and she loves the sun.
Regardless, if I get a tan or not I’m looking forward to going. I’ve packed the necessary supplies like sunscreen, after-sun lotion, insect repellent, and of course, Imodium and extra underwear – just in case the bottom falls out. You can never be too careful, you know!
Everyone tells me I deserve a rest, so I’m looking forward to a nice holiday with my best friend and sister. Perhaps I can do something about the washed out look that seems to have attacked my person. One more reason to take a sunny holiday.
Since I’ll be flying, I’m going to leave you with a final note of a joke heard from my friend Frank. At an airline ticket counter, a small boy with his mother told the agent he was two years old. The man looked at him suspiciously and asked, “Do you know what happens to little boys who lie?” “Yes. They get to fly for half price.”
Happy birthday to my granddaughter Abby, who will turn twelve March 12, and to my daughter-in-law Val who will be… older on March 27. All the best, girls!

Editor’s Note: Happy birthday, mom! Enjoy your vacation – you deserve a break!

Romance can be humourous, but it can also be addictive, so watch out!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Happy Valentine’s Day! Another occasion to be nice to our loved ones and friends.
Around six years ago, when I was working days at Tim Horton’s, I had an elderly customer who came in for coffee nearly every day. Quite a nice old guy, a bit of a romantic, and a joker to boot. A week before Valentine’s Day, the old fellow asked me if I would be offended if he brought a little Valentine’s gift for me and the girls that worked on our shift. I was a little surprised, but when he said that he had been working on his project for some time, I agreed that it would be fine.
The next week, he came in with his gifts, which were little knitted red hearts that we could pin to our uniforms. We were so happy to wear the little hearts, and I think we made the elderly gentleman feel quite happy.
As I said, he was quite a joker, which explains why I was reluctant when he offered the gift. I’ll give you an example. One day he told me that when he was younger, he complained to a friend that he didn’t know what to buy his wife for Valentine’s Day. “She already has everything you could think of, and anyway, she works so she can buy herself whatever she likes.”
“Here’s an idea,” said his friend. “Make up your own gift certificate that says, ‘Thirty minutes of great loving any way you want it.’ I guarantee she’ll be enchanted.”
The next day, the friend asked, “Well, did you take my suggestion?”
“Yes,” the fellow replied.
“Did she like it?”
“Oh, yes,” he said. “She jumped up, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling, ‘See you in 30 minutes!’”
Because he was a romantic and a joker, I don’t really know if he was telling the truth. If you can imagine, I still have my little red heart and I’ll be wearing it again this Valentine’s.

Always a romantic
You’re never too old to fall in love. Take my mother, for instance. It seemed like she was always in love. My dad passed away when she was 47 years old, which was quite young to be a widow. After a decent grieving time of three years, my mother started dating and got married for the second time when she was 58 years old. Alas, she became a widow again when she was 70.
It took her nine years before her pursuit of love and happiness were fulfilled. At 79 years old – with rumours swirling that she was pregnant – she decided to go up the aisle again. I wasn’t too sure if this marriage was going to last, though. One day I was visiting mom and she was a little bit depressed, so I asked her what was wrong. “Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “Normally I’m happy, as you know, but last night I had to slap Gord in the face three times.”
“You’re kidding,” I replied. “At his age, the old fool? Was he trying to get fresh with you or beat you?”
“Oh no,” she said,” I slapped him because I thought he was dead.”
Sure enough, six months later, mother was alone again. This time, however, she divorced the man. I guess she wasn’t pregnant after all. Such a waste.
My mother passed away in her 89th year and an hour before she died she was flirting with her doctor. Now that’s a romantic!

Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy Birthday to Glen (Feb. 19) and my brother Robert Peter (Feb 24).

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Finally, the old year of 2008 is gone and we welcome in the New Year of 2009. I certainly hope the old year was pleasant enough for everyone and hopefully 2009 will bring much happiness. As we all realize with every passing year that we are getting older, it seems at times things don’t really change.
For instance, with clothing, history has a way of repeating itself. I remember years ago when my kids were young and I was a stay-at-home mom, I didn’t get out of my pyjamas until at least nine o’clock in the morning. As a matter of fact, after the kids went off to school I would scoot over to my friend Joanne’s place for tea, stay a while, and didn’t get dressed until I was ready to do my housework. Looking back on this habit I can appreciate it when the young people stay in their pyjamas all day; they even go to school, do their shopping and all their other fun activities dressed this way. I must admit I was never that bold, but one has to give the kids credit; they don’t seem to worry how they dress, whatever is the fashion: pyjamas, low rise pants, pretty underwear and short- or half-shirts. I really do worry about their cheeks and backs being exposed to the elements.
Like I say, times don’t really change that much. I recall my mother harping on me about always dressing warmly and she was always going on about wearing a hat in the winter time. As she said, heat rises so if you wore a hat, you certainly wouldn’t be cold. When I thought about it I decided to say to her, “So ma, if I wear a hat I could go out without my pants and I’d be perfectly fine.” Not so. I got a good clout for that comment. Kids, I recommend you get those hats on, especially if you don’t cover the rest of your assets.
I also worry about the cats and dogs out in the cold of winter. At this time of year, cats like to snuggle up in a warm place such as a car engine. You might save a cat’s life by honking your horn before starting your car.
My friend Tanya was concerned with her cat’s hair balls; someone told me if she added a teaspoon of vegetable oil to her cat’s daily meal, this would help prevent the situation.

Happy birthday Michael Lessard on January 24.
P.S. I apologize to Mae and Bill Brennan, who last week were forced to witness me putting my garbage out in my pyjamas. Force of habit. All the best in the New Year.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Since I won’t be writing another column until the New Year, let me take this opportunity to wish all my friends and relatives a very Merry Christmas and all the best in the New Year. Also thanks for your support to Casey’s Grand Bend Strip. I’m sure this has been a very challenging 20 months for Casey but in the long run, quite rewarding. I hope next year we’ll continue providing fun news that will entertain you and make your days lighter and brighter.
As I venture out to do my Christmas shopping, I have to stop and wonder why some mothers insist on taking their young children shopping with them. These little darlings don’t seem to like these excursions too well, or at least that’s the impression I get when I hear these kids crying and rubbing their eyes. Whatever they want, they have to wait for Christmas to come. If they stop their crying, they may get it, but if they keep driving their mothers nuts, perhaps they’ll get something they don’t want.
And what’s up with these mini shopping carts for the kids? Here the little ankle biters have a vehicle to ram into the backs of your legs. And then the screaming and the crying starts again, only this time, it’s the mothers doing the screeching.
I recall when I would go shopping with my mother, and sure enough she’d bravely lead the way while I pursued her with that big shopping cart. You can bet I never missed an opportunity to get her in the legs. The funny thing was, it always seemed to be her bad leg. I guess I wasn’t smart enough to do it on her good leg. For some reason, I was the only one that went shopping with her. I’m sure I don’t know why I was the chosen one. Then again, nobody said you had to be smart to be in my family; I guess my brothers and sisters knew better.
For the longest time, I truly wondered if I was “The Chosen One” because every time my mother was upset, she’d call me “Jesus Rita”. Like the time she tripped and fell on her long fur coat and I had a tough time helping her up. She said, “Jesus Rita, would you stop your laughing and help me up?” A Catholic woman and all! Whew!
I can see where one would get confused with their names. When Casey was young and I got annoyed or excited with him, I said, “Oh Casey! What are you doing?” I guess I called him Oh Casey quite often. One time Casey’s friend Tracy Price came calling on him, and when I answered the doorbell, Tracy said, “Hi Mrs. Lessard, can Oh Casey come out to play?” And like a dummy, I didn’t correct her. I just said, “Oh Casey, Tracy’s here for you.”
Happy birthday Casey on December 16, and Merry Christmas to one and all.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

I suppose by now the kids who were out trick or treating have slowly come down from their sugar high. Most people enjoy this holiday because it gives them time to act silly by dressing up in their favourite costumes and partying; sometimes we need an excuse to do that.
My family always enjoyed this occasion to get candy and also to give out the goodies. I recall the time when I was a teenager that, because I was older, I volunteered to take my neighbours’ daughter Suzie out. My older sister stayed home and she would hand out the stuff. Before I left the house, she told me to make sure that I stopped in to our house before I dropped Suzie of because she would save some favours for us. So, after an hour or so, Suzie got a little tired and we quit. But then I remembered my sister telling me she would save us something, so we stopped by and got something from my house.
When we got to Suzie’s house, her mother said, “Rita, why don’t you stay a while and you can sort through the bags and Suzie can share some of the stuff with you.” I agreed to do so, and although Suzie’s not to keen on the idea, she eventually agrees. I have a bit of stuff in my bag that some of my friends gave me, so I’m really not that interested in taking too much and I tell Suzie this, so she says “Okay.”
I’m going through her stuff and I come across a piece of candy I think is fudge, so I say to Suzie, “Oh wow, I would really like to have that fudge. What do you say?” She says, “I don’t think so. I want it.”
I reluctantly let her have it and she decides she’s going to eat it right away while I’m sitting there drooling. She puts it in her mouth and then right away spits it out and yells, “Ew! That’s gross!” So I pick it up and look a little closer. It’s not fudge after all, but a piece of liver that’s nicely wrapped in cellophane.
I knew right away where the liver came from, considering my family had liver for supper that night. As soon as I get home, my sister knows the gig is up just by the look on my face and the evidence in my hand. I’m calling her an ugly witch, which was appropriate for the occasion, and I tell her that her trick backfired because Suzie ended up getting her so-called treat. She was a bit remorseful, but she was still laughing and cackling like the witch she was and she headed off to bed singing Trick or Treat! I never did pay her back.

Birthday greetings
Happy birthday to our son Bill (Nov. 15) and our granddaughter Katie (Nov. 22)!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Since we are preparing to go to the polls for another election, I suppose my column this week should reflect on the matter. Like most people I’m not too sure who I want to vote for, but I will vote and hopefully my choice will be a wise one. I suppose you can view politics like a dating game – those you date and those you marry. The question is, do you want to date or just fool around for a while?
Sometimes marriage and politics can be similar; at the start of either you make promises like loving, honouring, and sometimes obeying. But as time goes by, these promises are hard to keep and eventually some of us get disillusioned and want to change partners and try to go with someone else with a better plan. I know all politicians have to make all these promises in order to get votes, but the time has to come eventually when they have to keep at least some of these promises and quit fooling around.
Taxes are a big issue with any election; like death, there is no escape from either one, but at least death doesn’t get any worse.
October tips

Singing my praises for vinegar again. Everyone seems to know if your dog gets too close to a skunk and gets sprayed you should use tomato juice liberally to get the smell out. Well, you can use vinegar as well, and get the smell out just as effectively. It especially is better if your pooch is white because if you tomato juice the poor dog will be either red or pink. I’m sure this would embarrass Brutus immensely. Vinegar is cheaper, too.

Do you have a fear of flying? My friend Margaret told me she got this tip from a pilot. Once you’re seated on the plane, cross your ankles and place your hands on the armrest with the palms of your hands upright. This relaxes you and your fears apparently will subside.

Tips for tastier burgers: replace bread crumbs with potato chips (any kind you desire). Quite yummy!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

The word fall has so many meanings. As the season turns, we can look forward to the changing of colours and the cooler weather. In its other form, the term is not as pretty as the season. My little friend Garrett Steffler had a fall last Thursday and the doctor glued the cut together. It’s amazing what they can do today to lessen the occurrence of scars. My guys were not so lucky as every one of them has at least one scar.
This falling business must be hereditary. My mother, for instance, was a fallen woman; no, that’s not right – I should say she fell a lot. That’s better.
My mother used to wear high-heeled shoes and a long fur coat, and I do believe that was her major downfall. I think her troubles started when she was about two years old and she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her nose; I think she tripped over her diaper that time.
It’s not exactly hereditary that my husband Tom has fallen and broken his nose several times, but our son Tommy had a broken nose and two black eyes when he got hit by a swing at the age of two. Falling backward, he also got a crack on the back of his head as he landed on a rock. Talk about bad luck!
Having children is the greatest thing, but this is one project that doesn’t come with a manual of instructions. It’s relatively simple when they are small babies; if all goes well, you just feed them, water them, and then you can put them down to rest. Once they get on their feet, however, you are presented with a whole new ball game; that’s when the fun begins in earnest.
I realize that young mothers are anxious for their children to grow up; be patient and enjoy them when they are small and having small troubles, because the bigger they get, the bigger the trouble.
So take heart Ashley (Garrett’s mom): your son will be fine and hopefully not have too many falls. You can take heart in the fact that Tommy’s fall didn’t do too much damage: he graduated at the top of his class in Grade 8, and while accepting awards at graduation, didn’t fall off the stage once.
(Editor’s note: Mom, you forgot to mention the scar on my forehead, a result of Bill pushing me into the dining room cabinet at age 3. I can still remember the bloody drive to South Huron Hospital and Dr. Gans stitching me up. Ah, the memories!)

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Even though summer doesn’t officially end until September 21, it ends for most of us when the kids go back to school. Personally, I think I’ll take it easy for the two weeks we have left, and hopefully we’ll have some sunny days so I can relax in the sun, watch the neighbourhood kids get on the school bus, and reflect on the happy faces of parents who watch their little darlings trudge on their way to the great task of learning.
It has never been easy for most parents to see the little ones off, but as time goes by I’m sure they welcome the departure, especially when the young people reach Grade 6 or 7 and are more independent, and are hopefully still going to school whether they want to or not.
I realize that schooling isn’t always easy, especially learning the English language. Take, for instance, some of the following sentences:

With all the words in our English language, it’s half a wonder we are so very confused. Some other words to consider: polish, desert, row, sewer; all have different meanings when used as a noun or verb.
Mathematics is yet another great challenge. I wonder whether students are taught how to count, subtract, multiply and divide in school these days because I notice it’s often not a strong suit for many of the young people I work with. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been in school, so I imagine the teaching methods have changed. Regardless of how you are taught, an education is very important, so stay in school as long as you can; you’ll never regret it.
Congratulations to our very dear friend Bill Papineau of London, who celebrated his 80th birthday this weekend.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

According to the dictionary, old means having lived or existed for a specific time, so even if you are two, three or sixty, you are old. So if you think you’re old, you can feel better knowing it’s true and that you’re not alone. As the old saying goes, it’s a mind over matter thing; if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Just for you, I created an old alphabet for this column.
Two old aged people kindly agreed to live with an old bat of a mother-in-law, who brought along her old cat and old dog, who all ate from old earthenware dishes. The old fart of a husband was always complaining about the old greasy food while wearing his old hat – which made him look like an old idiot – while the old juices spewed from his old kisser, which resembled an old lemon that seemed to have been permanently set on his old man face. Perhaps this was because his old nag of a wife constantly reminded him of his old ogre of a mother that she had to put up with ever since she moved in when she got her old-age pension years ago.
The mother liked to be treated like an old queen and much to the wife’s distress, she had a hard time adjusting to their living arrangements. One of her main concerns was the fact that if the old lady sat too long on her old rump, she would get old sores on her old tush and this would make her oh so old ugly to live with and then they would probably never get to fulfill their old vacation plans because they’d be stuck trying to find someone to look after the dear old soul. She imagined going in their old Winnebago to places where they would buy postcards to send with old xxx’s and old “Yes, we are having a great time” notes, and finally getting all the old zzz’s that they’d hankered for all those years. Whew! Enough already with the old alphabet.

Helpful hints
I haven’t given any in a while, but here are a few:
Never wash windows on a sunny day – they will dry too fast and leave streaks.
Bee sting – rub a slice of onion to ease the sting.
Mosquito bites (this is old advice that I gave previously) – dab vinegar on bites to relieve itching.

Reminder:
The 2nd annual Bill and Helene Regier memorial golf tournament is Sunday, September 7. Golf is $100 per person, or if you don’t golf, you can attend the dinner for $25 per person. Plus buy tickets for a “wheelbarrow of cheer”. For info: 519-237-3593.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

I know we have had a bit of rain in the past couple of weeks, but when it’s sunny and warm after the rain, it is quite wonderful. And although we complain about the rain, my view is, at least we can take consolation in the fact that we don’t have to shovel that stuff. As everyone knows, we are truly blessed to have so much clean and safe water.
I remember when I was young, we were very fortunate to have running hot water. For some reason, though, we didn’t have a sink in our kitchen, so when we washed the dishes we had to get the hot water from the bathroom tap, put it in a basin and then we’d get down to doing that dreaded task. My sister Carol liked watching TV at that hour, so she chose to dry the dishes, which she could do when the commercials were on. I was okay with this plan.
One night I decided to play a trick on Carol. As soon as she left the room for the umpteenth time, I started to take the clean dishes out of the cupboard and dip them in the water and put them on the rack for her to dry. This went on for a while, and because she was so engrossed in her show, she didn’t take notice of what I was doing. Finally when she came to her senses she said, “Gosh. It seems like there’s no end to these darn dishes.” I just smiled and shrugged and said, “Oh well, it’s our job, so we may just as well get it over with.” Naturally, I’m thinking how much longer can I keep up with this farce!
Well, I was soon to find out. I didn’t realize her TV show was over and she had come back into the kitchen. There I was doing the dirty deed and she caught me red-handed taking the clean dishes out of the cupboard. “Aha,” she says, “so this is what you’ve been doing!”
I kind of grinned and did the shrug thing again and said, “Whoops!” Well, you can imagine that she was thoroughly ticked. “That’s okay,” she says. She took the remaining dishes out of the basin, put them on the drain rack and then to my utter shock, she picked up the basin of dirty, soapy water and ceremoniously dumped it over my head. From that day forward, I convinced my mother that it might be a better idea if we all take turns doing the supper dishes – alone.
This trick taught me a good lesson because when my sons grew up and were able to do the dishes, they each had their own night to do the dishes, but definitely solo. I guess my sister didn’t appreciate my sense of humour, but what the heck, if you don’t have a sense of humour, it’s quite likely you don’t have much sense at all. Enjoy the water and keep safe this summer.

Happy 50th anniversary to Bill and Mae Brennan, who celebrated this past weekend with family and friends.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Shut your mouth and eat your supper!
How often have you heard that said, and when you stop to think about it, can you really do that? What the heck were our mothers thinking?
I remember my father saying, “If you put the food on your plate, you have to eat it.” My brother Bob hated peas, but nevertheless he would always put them on his plate and he couldn’t leave the table until he ate them. That wasn’t too smart. I, on the other hand, didn’t normally take something I didn’t want to eat, but if I did, I was smart enough to make sure I had a ready pocket to hide what I didn’t want. (It’s a good thing I liked creamed corn.) We couldn’t afford a dog, so we always envied the skinny kids with their fat dogs.
Sometimes my mother would confuse me, for instance whenever I wouldn’t eat my dinner, she would say, “Eat your dinner. Do you realize that the poor starving kids in China would give their right arm to have that meal.” If I couldn’t eat my mother’s cooking, why would I subject the poor kids in China to eating it? They’ve suffered enough; why would I add to their plight?
I know I’ve heard other mothers saying this, too. I say stop it, send some money to the mission and leave us out of this eating business. Most mothers worry too much when it comes to their kids’ eating habits, but believe me, kids will eat when they’re hungry.
Many foods we consume are very good for us, and others not so. Do you notice that the rich sugary foods we so love are said to be fattening and not so good? On the other hand, fruits and vegetables are very good to eat. Working at Tim Horton’s, I’m often tempted to indulge in the sugary paradise. For about the last seven years, I have always brought my own break food, which basically consists of fruits, veggies and granola. These foods keep me alert and full of energy so I can stay on my feet.
Some people suffer health problems because of what they eat. A common complaint is heartburn. My son’s mother-in-law suffered with this ailment for several years until someone suggested she take the root of ginger, soak it in hot water, let it steep for 10 minutes, and then drink it. Apparently this works; it certainly would beat taking drugs all the time. That’s all for this week, folks!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

You really have to pay attention to labels and commercials. Sometimes they don’t make a heck of a lot of sense. I’ve been told, if you can’t pronounce the ingredients, the product more than likely isn’t good for you.
I get a kick out of some of the drug commercials that tell you the produce will solve your health problems, and then they go on to tell you that the side effects of the drug could cause you to have headaches, diarrhea, cramps or nausea, and maybe all of the above. Sure, sign me up for that one!
Here are a few examples of labels that caught my eye:
Label on a box of rat poison – “Warning: may cause cancer in laboratory mice.”
Label on air conditioner – “Avoid dropping air conditioner out of window.”
Label on a cardboard sunshield for a car – “Do not drive with sunshield in place.” Really!
Attached to a portable stroller – “Caution: remove infant before folding for storage.” Oh, please!
I do declare, do these people really think before they put these labels on?
Summer is here at last and so are the bugs, including the pesky mosquitoes. I got bitten several times the other day and I doused myself with vinegar. It’s fast, cheap, and believe me it works. No more itching or stratching. Vinegar also works on a sunburn.
Enjoy the nice weather, stay healthy and happy!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

People say and do the craziest things. Since we had such a cold winter, I said if I ever heard anyone complain about the heat, I would surely slap them. Well, I’ve got my dukes up and I’m ready because – would you believe it – people are complaining already. Usually they say, “I don’t mind the heat so much, but it’s the humidity.” Well, they say it’s hot in hell; I wonder what the humidity is like down there. Hopefully I’ll never find out.
When newfies invite you over for a meal, they say if you come over they’ll put on the pot. I was not familiar with this expression, so when my newfie friend invited me to her house and said she’s put on the pot, I was a little reluctant to accept. I said to her, “Look Jackie, I don’t mind having the occasional drink or two, but as far as the pot goes, I’m not really into that kind of stuff.” Jackie thought that was quite funny, and after a brief explanation and a chuckle, I did go and have a great newfie meal.
Did you know that there’s a law in Nova Scotia that forbids you to water your lawn if it’s raining? Wow, really!
People not only say the darnedest things, but they also do them. My brother Richard is a real sweetheart, and used to travel a lot between Montreal and London by bus or train. Unfortunately he was prone to motion sickness, and on one occasion when he was taking the train, he did get sick. He went to the washroom and threw up his lunch (maybe he shouldn’t have eaten). At the same time, he upchucked his false teeth. Well, he was quite upset, so he finds the train conductor and tells him that they need to stop the train so he can retrieve his teeth. The conductor laughed and said, “Sorry, once your teeth end up on the tracks, there’s no way we can find them.” In the meantime, the man is just howling. Needless to say, Richard was gumming it for a while.
My sister Joan and my brother Tom have always said that I was the naïve one in our family, but I think Richard shares this malady with me. Richard was visiting me one summer and many times my neighbour Gloria and I needed to go shopping; Richard would babysit for us. On the first occasion, Gloria and I went into town and Richard stayed home and entertained the kids. After a few hours, Gloria and I returned and – as we were coming up the street – we could see Richard and the kids on the lawn having a great time. I turn to Gloria and say, “Would you look at those guys having such a great time? I wonder where they got all those white balloons.” Gloria looks and almost faints, and says, “Oh my gosh! Those aren’t balloons; those are my husband’s condoms!” Whoops! He must have bought them by the gross because we sure had a mess of them to clean up. Where’s Casey when you need a photographer? Oh, that was before his time.
Thanks to Casey for taking me to the Huron Country Playhouse to see Sorry… I’m Canadian. What a great, hilarious show. A must see for all, especially if you’re Canadian. We certainly are a funny lot and I would hope we are proud to say we are Canadians.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

As we get older, times change. The children become adults and some adults become children. When I was younger, my parents were the authority figures; these days, there is still authority in the family, but in some instances it seems that it rests in the hands of the children. Perhaps this is because the young generation of parents today are in such a hurry for their children to grow up. What’s the big rush? Let kids be kids; they’ll soon be adults and they’ll remember their childhood with fond memories.
One thing I’ve learned from growing old, the kids to whom I gave advice now give advice to me. How very strange; perhaps I didn’t do too bad of a job along the way!
Most people don’t appreciate change unless it jingles in their pocket, but there will always be change, hopefully for the better.
The other day I was speaking to a group of ladies and we were discussing how wedding showers and baby showers have changed. Nowadays, what we used to give as wedding gifts are now the gifts we give at showers, and baby showers are just as expensive.
Regardless, I’ve always enjoyed going to showers, especially baby showers. My fondest memory of a pregnancy is that of Mike’s wife, Val. We were very excited as this would be our first grandchild.
One day Glenn, Val and I were sitting around chatting and of course Val was telling Glenn how eager she was to have the baby and Glenn – who is very kind and gentle – was smiling and saying how he was looking forward to being an uncle and on and on went the conversation. Then Val got really excited when the baby started kicking and she said to Glenn, “Would you like to see my baby?”
Glenn replied, Sure, so Val lifted her blouse and Glenn looks and says, “Wow, twins!”
Much to Val’s astonishment, it was this moment when she realized she wasn’t wearing a bra and the blouse went too high. Who would have thought Val was a flasher?
Canada Day is Glenn’s daughter’s birthday, so happy 15th birthday Olivia, and happy 141st birthday Canada!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Where does the time go? Here we are again nearing the end of another school year. Education is so very important today. Unless you have at least your Grade 12 diploma, you would be hard pressed to get any kind of job, unlike in my day, so many eons ago, when if you had at least your Grade 7 you were considered literate. In Quebec, where I grew up, you started high school in Grade 8 and were done in Grade 11, and then you were considered quite educated.
Times have changed for the better. As far back as I can remember, people have asked the age old question of kids: what would you like to be when you grow up? A few years ago, I clipped out the following joke from a magazine:
All the children had been photographed and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’”
A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s still old, nasty and wrinkled.”

People make mistakes all the time, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve made many mistakes. Sometimes I know I drive my sister nuts. She always says I’m smart, but for quite some time there was a word in my vocabulary that I was saying wrong. The word was regardless, and I was always saying irregardless. Joan let me get away with this for a while, but she couldn’t take it anymore and corrected me on it. Wow. Who knew?
I have a hard time correcting people and perhaps many others do to, but I guess sometimes you’ve got to bite the bullet and say something.
My mother became a widow at the young age of 47. After my father’s death and a decent period of time had passed, she started dating again. Men really enjoyed her company because she was a lot of fun and quite jolly. Sometimes my mother had a bit of a problem with words. One time, when she was visiting the doctor’s office, the doctor suggested she was going through menopause. Well, my mother was very indignant about this news and said, “We’ll I’ve been a widow for three years now, and I can assure you I have not had a pause between men.”

Final words of wisdom: Stay in school and get all the education you can. Someone once said, Knowledge is power. How very true.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

By now, everybody knows about the incident where that employee gave out a free Timbit to an 11-month old baby. In this Sunday’s edition of the London Free Press, a woman wrote in to say she has the solution: she suggests that since Tim Horton’s has a box for people to put donations in for their camp charity, they should also put a donation box beside each one for babies so they can get free Timbits.
Surely you’re kidding. Who, the heck in their right mind gives babies Timbits in the first place? Don’t babies eat baby food until they’re a certain age? I had five babies, and I don’t recall giving them sweets at such an early age.
Back to the topic of the poor single mother who was fired because of her actions, I agree it was a bit harsh, but it wasn’t right and she got caught. I really don’t think she was teaching her children a good lesson when telling the world you can give free stuff away out of the goodness of your heart at the expense of your boss’ pocketbook.
I’ve worked at Tim Hortons for almost nine years, and believe me, it’s been the best job I’ve ever had. Working the night shift, I get to see people put on their stupid-hats and think I’m working at the men’s mission and I’m there to give them day old free product (the rules are, we have to throw old product away). Sorry, folks, but I can’t and won’t do it.
I remember instances where grocery store owners would complain that people would take or, for lack of a better word, steal the fruit, for example grapes or cherries. I believe a lot of people have done this and perhaps still do, but it doesn’t make it right and it is especially wrong to do it in front of your kids.
Sometimes I think people don’t come to Tim’s for the coffee, but for what they put in it. We seldom get orders for black coffee; the most popular is double cream, double sugar, but as long as we start your day off with whatever fix you need, we’re only too happy to oblige.
Although it hasn’t been the easiest job I’ve had, it definitely has been the most challenging; every day is a new adventure. Who would have thought working a job so many consider “lowly” would bring such satisfaction?
So do come in and sit a spell, and hopefully you will have a good day.
P.S. Happy belated birthday, Joan. Thanks for being such a great sister!

True stories from the front lines of motherhood

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Motherhood. What a great adventure it has been for me; I wouldn’t change my station in life for anything. Mothers come in all shapes and sizes – physically and mentally. My mother was a self-taught woman of her generation. Although she didn’t have a lot of formal education, she was quite smart in my eyes. She was fortunate enough to read and write, and she read a lot and became quite smart. As clever as she was, she used to say the darnedest things. For example, she’d say, “If you fall out of that tree and kill yourself, don’t come crying to me.”
My mother was quite concerned about conserving energy. She was always saying, “Shut that door. Do you think I’ve got the money to heat the street?” Sometimes I think she got a little confused. For instance, she’d say, “Would you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?” Oh yeah, mom!
As a mother, I had a hard time leaving my kids in the care of a babysitter or even in Tom’s care. I just couldn’t get enough of the joy of their presence. On one occasion, I went away for a day and left Tom in charge of Tommy, who was about two, and Glenn, who wasn’t quite a year old and still in diapers (the cloth ones). So I said to Tom, “You might want to give Glenn a bit of prune juice as he seems to be slightly constipated.” He says, “Yeah, yeah, go already. We’ll be fine.”
Off I go and have a lovely time. When I get back, I asked Tom how the day went and he says, “Well, it wasn’t too bad, except for Glenn’s condition. Since you told me to give him some prune juice for his constipation…” Yes? “Well, he liked it so much, I filled his bottle up and he drank the whole thing. First thing I know, he’s getting rid of his constipation and he’s got it all over himself, it’s in his hair and straight down to his toes. It’s like a volcano all over the place. But he’s fine and happy and I got the mess cleaned up, but I think you might want to get rid of some of the clothing because that purple isn’t coming out.”
My God, sir, he could have killed him! It all worked out, though (literally), because Glenn’s still around to tell the tale.
I hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day. Keep smiling and enjoy every moment of your children’s lives (good or bad). They don’t stay young forever and before you know it, they’re parents themselves. Vengeance can be sweet!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

As some of you may know, I celebrated my 67th birthday on April 5, and although I’m aging, it’s really not so bad. As long as I am able to get up in the morning and take nourishment, it all works out; the prunes help a lot, too.
My young friends at Tim Horton’s are usually concerned about me because I’m still working, and they are always asking me when I’m going to retire. I smile and my response is, “If I can help it, never.” I really enjoy being occupied, and until I find something better do to with my time, I’ll just stay put, and since I don’t feel a day over 65, my young attitude sees me through the good and the very seldom bad times.
I find as of late that I am shrinking; I view that as a good thing. Since I am the oldest and slowly getting to be the shortest at work, this definitely works in my favour because, unlike my younger counterparts, I have no problem retrieving dropped things, whether I’ve dropped them or not. It seems I’m the only one who has the strength and the aerobic ability to do this task. Don’t get me wrong, the young people I work with are super; they just don’t have the experience or stamina to keep up. I’m confident, however, that once they reach my age, they’ll be in shape and perhaps as capable as I am.
I would like to take the time to thank my family and friends for all the birthday cards and presents. I especially want to thank my sister Joan (who is always so generous) for the trip to Toronto to see Dirty Dancing, and also to Sid Reaburn, who shared in this gift. We all had a wonderful time, and dinner after the performance (which took place in a train car), was simply delicious. As usual, we ate too much; oh well, back to the gym (or Tim’s) for a week to work it off.
Thanks also to Marg Clarke (such a lovely person), who sent me a lovely card and an angel pin for my Tim’s hat.
Think of Grace
As a final note, it has been brought to my attention that Grace Hodgins appreciates your thoughts and phone calls. If you know Grace, she would love to have you drop in and visit with her in her home.

Until the next time, stay – and think – young, wear your support hose, and invest in a good pair of shoes. You’re going to need them if you want to keep up with me!

Send a thought to: mom at grandbendstrip.com or P.O. Box 218, Grand Bend, ON N0M 1T0

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

Brr! It’s been a long time since we’ve had a winter this cold. Perhaps that accounts for the bad mood many people have been in. It seems people have more to complain about when the weather is so nasty.
My mother never appreciated our foul moods or our whining and complaining. I can still hear her saying, “Quit your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Then came the Whack! I was smart; I learned to be the most cheerful of my mother’s children.
My sister’s mother in-law didn’t like people complaining, either. Her son – my brother-in-law – was a hard man to please, so he always had something to whine about. While he was still living at home and working, his mother would pack him a lunch every day. He especially liked bologna, but sometimes his mother had to give him something different when she ran out of that staple. Of course, whenever she put something different in his sandwich, she knew she was in for a hard time and a scream-fest.
One day, without bologna for his sandwich, she decided enough was enough; she would put his whining to an end. Blessed with a fine sense of humour, she grabbed a powder puff (those beige, rubbery makeup sponges) and put it between two slices of bread with all the dressings, and packed it with the rest of his lunch. I can only imagine his surprise and aggravation when he tried to sink his teeth into that lunch. That’s a good time to start making your own lunch!
While I’m on the subject, my sister had a co-worker who was a bit of a lunch thief, especially when it came to sweets. Whenever one of the girls brought sweets into work, the goodies would disappear. They couldn’t prove who was taking them, so they set a trap for the culprit.
The night before, one of the girls baked a bunch of brownies and used chocolate Ex-Lax for the icing sugar on the ones they were setting as a trap. The next day, sure enough, the fellow took the bait and grabbed all the goodies. After the Ex-Lax kicked in, he was mysteriously absent from work for a day or two. The “treat” either cleaned up him or cleaned his behaviour of stealing other people’s goodies.
Soon Easter will be here and I will have completed my Lenten fast of refraining from sweets. Yes! (Ed.: now I have an idea for a sweet “treat”)
Happy St. Patrick’s Day and Happy Easter to all.

Anniversary a time to reflect on the joys of life

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

February is the month for love and sweethearts as we celebrate Valentine’s Day this week. February is also the month Tom and I celebrate our anniversary, celebrating 45 years February 8th. I imagine in this day and age, that’s quite a feat.
Tom and I got married in Germany, where Tom was stationed with the army. We had to get married twice: once at city hall (the legal ceremony), which we did in the morning, and then the religious ceremony in the afternoon.
We did have a few snags that day. For instance, I forgot to order the flowers, the bakers dropped the cake, and Tom dropped me when he was carrying me over the threshold I only weighed 105 lbs., so I don’t know how that happened; maybe it was the champagne or the beer, which were very cheap in Germany. As a matter of fact, liquor was cheaper than coffee in those days.
Despite the rough start, through the good and bad, sickness and health, richer or poorer, we’re still together.
We’ve had many blessings over the years, and the best of all was the great gift of our five sons, Tom, Glenn, Mike, Bill and Casey.
When Tom Jr. was in university and short on Christmas funds, he made us three family albums and described all of his brothers as he perceived them.
Casey was labeled Mr. Brain; when you look at Casey, you can see in his eyes his intelligence and the joy and happiness he has and gives to people.
Bill was Mr. Hockey or Mr. Sports; Bill loves sports and he was and still is quite an athlete. There was a time when I think he wanted to be a professional hockey player, but in the end he decided on a career in computers.
Mike was Mr. Lover. Mike loves life, and he especially loved the women; as a matter of fact, he had a girlfriend in kindergarten (Marion Steffans), who was the light of his life. Mike is always smiling and when you’re talking to him, even his voice smiles. From the time Mike was only a few days old, he smiled all the time. I kid you not! Maybe he was a comedian in a former life.
Glenn was labeled Mr. Ambition. This is very true; Glenn was always a hard worker and never afraid to get his hands dirty. When he was 10 years old, he helped me clean offices in Huron Park and in the summers, we cleaned the college for the hockey school. He made some money and that made him happy. By the time he was 17, he bought his own car with his savings. Although he was a metallurgist when he came out of college, he ended up in the banking business, which proved to be quite profitable. Tom was right when he said Glenn was Mr. Ambition because as of today, he has owned and sold six houses; not too bad for a 43 year old (as of February 19).
Tom described himself as an all-around great guy (Editor’s note: of course!), and this is so very true. Tom was my first child, and one of my greatest joys. Tom loves to play games; from the time he was 13 years old until he was 19, he played scrabble with me three or four times a week. He was always a good sport considering I beat him a lot. He’s gotten smarter over the years and I imagine it would be quite a challenge to play him today. Tom’s a super dad, a sweetheart of a husband, a great son-in-law (according to his father-in-law), a very kind, gentle, giving and caring son, and I might as well throw in handsome and distinguished man, too. So yes, an all around great guy.
So much for all of the sweethearts in my life. Happy anniversary Tom, happy birthday Glenn, and happy Valentine’s day to all of you!

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

I hope your Christmas went well. Tom and I were fortunate to celebrate on two occasions: once at our son’s place, whose wife is a great cook; and at my brother’s home, where we had another good meal and lots of fun. Of course, that’s what Christmas is about: family and merriment.
I received many lovely gifts. Casey thought I gave him some very useful presents, one being a new iPod. This surprised him because he hadn’t asked for one; I made a mistake when writing down his list. I didn’t know he already had one, and I bought him one that was better. I suggested he could take it back, but he decided to keep it, which was good for me because he gave me the one his brother gave his last year; I’m happy because I use it everyday when I go for my 3km walk.
I wonder sometimes if all the noise and sounds we hear have any bad effects on our hearing, but for centuries we’ve all had occasion to have what we call selective hearing. For example, how is it that the kids can always hear the ice cream truck coming up the road, yet they can’t hear you when you need the garbage taken out or the dishes done? Deaf again! If you were to pass gas a hundred yards away, you can bet your pay cheque they’d hear that.
As we welcome in the year 2008, let’s hope that by now most of you are not struggling with New Year’s resolutions. May I suggest that, instead of aggravating yourself with resolutions, you just resolve to do things one day at a time? Just for today, live the next 12 hours and tackle one problem for that day and not a whole year of problems. Just for today, learn something useful and make a change just for that day.
Although I’m giving this advice, I must confess I told my coworkers that this year I was going to be less critical. Hopefully I can stick with this resolution. Aim for the short-term instead of the long-term.
Regardless of the promises you’ve made to yourself, let’s hope 2008 will bring health and success to you all.

P.S. Thank you to the Crediton firemen for putting up the Christmas lights in the park.

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

I really love Christmastime. Unfortunately, we celebrate it in a season that, at times, is not so pleasant, especially when the snow is flying and the visibility is so bad you end up in the ditch, which is what happened to my sister and me on Monday, December 3. Fortunately, a Good Samaritan from Hensall came by and gave us a ride to Huron Park, where we made arrangements for a tow. Thank you, kind sir.
I can easily forget about the weather and concentrate on this glorious and happy occasion. As the years go by and we are getting older, times change but our memories are still with us. The hustle and bustle I experienced when the boys were young are no longer. I have many good memories, so I will share a few with you.

When your kids outsmart you
I always considered myself a fairly smart person, but when you’re smart and have children, they tend to be smart, too. As it turns out, some of them can outsmart their parents.
I’m not saying all of my sons were devious, but our son Mike was always curious and he outsmarted me every year when it came to peeking at the Christmas presents. Every year I would use a different mode of operation. I’d hide them, but he’d find them. Then I changed tactics and used different coloured paper for each kid or I would number-code them or letter-code them.
Well, none of these methods worked. Mike didn’t care that I was so smart and organized because he didn’t really take the time to figure out what I was doing; he just opened all the presents and saw what everyone was getting and rewrapped them. I didn’t learn this until many years later, but I can honestly say I had fun trying to outsmart him, and I miss the excitement of doing all that shopping and gift-wrapping. Now our Christmases are more sedate but fun and the memories are still good.

Watch out for that tree
Putting up the tree was always a fun family affair; it wasn’t always a masterpiece, but it was the joy of doing something together. The one year, we were a little concerned about putting the tree up too soon because we had a cat and we figured it would either knock all of the bulbs off or, worse yet, just knock the whole tree down. We’re a trusting family, so we decided to give the cat a break and put up the tree anyway. Now Tom, our wise leader, didn’t agree and thought we should wait until Christmas Eve so the tree would be safe. This was one argument the kids and I won; the tree went up early and we were in the spirit of Christmas.
A week before Christmas, all the decorations were on the tree and the house was decorated and all was going just swell. Tom decided to celebrate early and shared some Christmas spirits with the neighbours. It was rather late when he got home, and being the considerate guy he is, he didn’t want to disturb us non-partygoers. He sneaked into the house and kept the lights off. He didn’t need to worry because the cat was there to guide him through with his watchful eyes. (I’m told cats can see in the dark, so like they say, Lead on MacDuff, and the cat did.) Soon enough, we heard this awful crash and it wasn’t Santa. No, it was Tom toppling into the tree. Holy cow, wasn’t that a sight? I got up to investigate and sure enough, the fool was ensconced in our lovely tree. I helped him up and he grinned sheepishly. I said, “I guess you were right, Tom, about putting the tree up so soon.” In the years after that, we didn’t have the cat, but Tom was still around, so we had more fun Christmases to look forward to.

On a final note, I noticed that our little village of Crediton doesn’t have its tree decorated and our Santa and reindeer aren’t up this year. It was lovely to look out my window and see this display. Thanks to Jordy’s, we have a wreath erected on her sign. Maybe if I talk to the right people, we can do something festive next year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to one and all. Thanks for taking an interest in reading Casey’s paper (I love that man) and see you next year!

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

I don’t know how everyone else feels about winter, but as far as I’m concerned I am not really looking forward to it. I’m not sure when this all came about, but it probably started when I realized that those fancy high-heeled shoes had to be replaced with the more sensible oxfords, the lovely shaping nylons had to be traded in for support stockings, and of course, there’s the cutesy bikini underwear that was taken over by the nice warm bloomers. So you can see where I’m coming from; yes, it’s called getting older, dear.
Getting old is inevitable, and since I’m in pretty good shape, I’m sure I’ll be fine, but as far as winter goes, if we prepare for it, maybe we will manage.
Here are some tips to consider:
- Take care that your car is properly equipped with the necessities in case you get stuck in bad weather. Examples: blankets, flashlights with batteries, candles, matches, booster cables, extra clothing, sand, salt, non-perishable food, etc.
- Get a tune up as soon as you can, and always make sure you’ve got plenty of gas in your tank.
- I suppose a cell phone would also be handy. I don’t have one, but Christmas is coming, so maybe someone will surprise me.
- Perhaps you’ll want to check your shovels or snowblower out also. Either way, keep safe and stay out of the ditch.

Hint: As I was struggling to open my door, which had frozen up, one of my coworkers suggested I put vegetable oil on the rubber on the inside of my door so I’d have no problem opening it. This seals out the water. Try it!

Thanks for all your support!
Sorry that my article is a little brief, but I wanted to concentrate on a more important issue, that being my thank you to my friends, neighbours and area business owners who made Tom’s benefit dance such a success. The support and kindness we received was incredible.
First and foremost, I would like to thank Debra McNair and Corry Price for organizing the event, the Huron Park-Centralia Lions Club for sponsoring it, and Li’l Audrey for providing the great music.
These businesses donated their support: Canadian Tire, Exeter; Iceculture, Hensall; Hansen’s Independent, Exeter; Scotty’s Pizza, Huron Park; Exi-Plast, Huron Park; Gnutti, Huron Park; Fast Photo, London; Country Corners, Exeter; Gar’s Bar, Exeter; Hayter’s Turkey Products, Dashwood; Foodland, Exeter; SAAN, Exeter; Aunt Gussie’s, Grand Bend; Bob’s Advanced Auto, Crediton; Jordy’s, Crediton; Malibu Restaurant, Centralia; Exeter Lions Club.
The following people donated money or prizes: Mike & Val Lessard, Sue and Wayne Foote, Doug and Keli Nethercott, Frank and Bridgitt Dubarry, Herman and Joan Minderlein, Pat Gray, Nancy Zettel, Bob & Millie Lessard, Bill & Anne Lacourtois, Brenda & Dave MacDonald, Deb & Doug Mason, Sid & Jeff Reaburn, Jeff & Jamie Weir, Rosemary Stewart, Tim Glavin, Ken Jones, Gary Sauder, Diane & Yvonne Wells & Lisa, Terry & Corry Price.
Thank you to all the people who helped at the door and with games, lunch and at the bar.
Special thanks to my sister Joan McCullough, who is way too generous with her help and kindness.
Last but not least, to Casey, who provides me with the opportunity to thank everyone in his paper.
Thank you all for your kindness and support. Thank you very much to the people who attended or bought tickets to the event. I apologize if I have missed anyone; to everybody who contributed, your efforts and time were greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Tom and Rita Lessard

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

With all of this nice warm weather we’re experiencing, you would think that a winter sport such as hockey would be the last thing on our minds but since we usually spend money for the kids when they go back to school, we might as well add to that the expense of hockey registration.
I don’t imagine families do any fundraising to offset the cost of registration, which in turn pays for ice time and other hockey needs. Fortunately for us, when our five sons were playing we had a fundraising committee that raised lots of money that helped out a lot.
These days, I realize parents haven’t got the time or the energy to raise money in the fashion that we did. Although I was always at the arena, I never quite watched a complete hockey game. Usually I was working in the food booth, but that wasn’t my only excuse. Once the fans got going with their screaming and hollering, I couldn’t stand it and I would make myself scarce.
I realize hockey is a rough sport, but fans are sometimes more violent than the players on the ice. I remember one game in particular when we experienced the wrath of the fans.

Coming out swinging
(Note: names have been changed to protect individuals’ identities)
Jack’s parents and grandparents never missed a game. They really enjoyed watching Jack play and he was a very good player but they got a little carried away with their screaming and hollering. Grandma was the worst. She was quite feisty and she really didn’t appreciate it when Jack was in a scoring position and a player took a penalty to foil him. Joe seemed to be in the penalty box a lot, which wasn’t always a bad thing because most of the time he was there for stopping Jack from scoring.
This time, granny notices Joe’s jersey number after one such incident, and her vindictive mind brews a plan.
Granny waits a little bit until the game is over. As always, when the game is over, it is a custom for the players to line up and shake hands in a friendly manner; all things good or bad are forgotten. Not quite this time.
All of a sudden, Granny makes an appearance on the ice heading straight for Joe. Holy cow! With her purse as a weapon, she gets on the ice and starts swinging like Willie Mays. Since she doesn’t have skates on, she’s not too steady on her pins and eventually she goes down. She ended up breaking her wrist and she was taken off the ice on a stretcher – screaming, of course. We couldn’t shut that woman up.
If you can imagine how shocked we were at this performance, the fact that she was wearing a skirt when she went bottoms up was quite comical. Not too pretty!
Although Joe was startled, he wasn’t hurt. Grandma ended up getting a penalty: she wasn’t welcome at any more of Jack’s games.

Reach out and touch someone
You know, it truly is amazing how times have changed. I was listening to the news the other day and in some schools, the kids are not allowed to touch each other in any manner – no embracing, no hand shaking, no playing tag. It saddens me to think my grandchildren are denied this act of affection. If that were the case in the real world, I’d probably be locked up by now. I encourage you to take a chance and hug somebody today.
And remember, keep your stick on the ice and granny off the ice.

You won’t hear from mom for a while – not because she’s locked up, but because the Strip doesn’t publish again until Nov. 21. Read more advice then.

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

Thanksgiving – what a great holiday. This is a wonderful time of year to celebrate and reflect on all the many gifts and blessings we have received throughout the years. Since I’ve lived quite a few years, my blessings have been numerous.
I am especially thankful for my neighbours, my first family, friends, and last but not least, my husband and five sons.
My siblings – whom I consider my first family – are very special indeed. I keep in touch with my brothers and sisters as much as I can. My sister Joan, who lives in Shipka, is very kind and generous to Tom and me, so to her I say thank you on this Thanksgiving Day.
A couple of months ago, I was talking to my neighbour and she was quite astonished that I had raised five sons and lived to tell the tale. I told her that having five boys was the best thing that ever happened to me.
“Well,” she said, “I had two sons and I find that boys are so dirty.”
My response to her was, “Yes, you’re probably right, but I made sure that my guys were clean as they had to take a bath or shower every night,” to which she said, “Whatever!”
I think the idea of taking a bath every night backfired on my son Glenn on one occasion. Glenn and Tom Jr. (my oldest boys) had an opportunity to visit and have a camp-out at a neighbour’s farm. Since we’re basically town folk, this was quite an adventure.
Instead of having their bath the night before, I made the boys take their bath before they left for the farm. Tommy was okay with it, but Glenn put up quite a fuss. He insisted he was going to get dirty anyway, so what was the point? I prevailed and the boys were freshly bathed when they set out.
When they got to the farm with a group of other kids, they were quite excited to see the animals and the farm machinery and the rest of the makings of the farm. After they were there they were allowed to explore a bit, which was a lot of fun.
Glenn decided he’d like to go up in the hayloft and see how that felt, so up he went. He got walking around and everything seemed fine. Then, all of a sudden, he stepped in a hole and fell through the loft into the cows’ toilet. He was covered in manure.
Was he ever ticked! Glenn thought he would get dirty at the farm, but not this way. When he came out of the barn smelling like dung, the kids thought it was quite funny. Off he went to the bathroom for – you guessed it – another bath.
So yes, boys do get dirty, but you can always clean them, and this is another thing I am thankful for.
Count your blessings this year, and be ever so thankful today and every day.

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

Fall – what a great time of the year. Not too hot, not too cold. Standard time is approaching and thus we’ll fall back an hour. The word fall is used in so many ways, for example, fall in love, fall out, fall from grace, fall back, etc. This column will address the physical act of falling.
Tom has had many falls in his lifetime. My first experience with Tom’s falling problem was when he was attempting to carry me over the threshold. Isn’t that the perfect time to trip and fall? I only weighed 105 lbs. at the time, so that couldn’t have been the problem. I ended up falling on top of him, and I think the fall knocked him out. I ended up dragging him over the threshold – there was no way he was going to get away from me. I was a little feisty even at that time.
When we moved to Huron Park, Tom would ride his bike back and forth to work or to the local pub and he sometimes didn’t get home in one piece. He was in and out of the ditch; I believe he had a balance problem. One Friday night, I was watching TV with the kids and we heard this big bang on the side of the house. Sure enough, it was Tom on his bike, so I said to the kids, “Your father’s home.” The kids looked out the window and said, “Yep, you’re right, mom.” He seemed to be fine, but I suggested he should either get his brakes checked or his eyes checked.
After we had five kids, we needed a bigger house, so we moved across the street to a four-bedroom. The layout of the new house was a little different. In the old house, the bathroom was on the main floor, but in the new house the bathroom was upstairs. The night before we moved in across the street, Tom and a couple of our boys decided to camp out in the new house (they slept in sleeping bags in the living room). It was Friday night, so Tom was a little tipsy. In the middle of the night, Tom woke up and had to go to the bathroom. Thinking he was in the old house, he made a left and then a right turn to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, in the new house, this was the way to the basement. He opened the door and stepped in, or rather dropped in, because the next thing he knows he’s falling down the stairs. I swear Tom has seven lives because all he got out of the fall was a bloody nose. He did manage to get back upstairs without peeing himself and went back to sleep, not going to the bathroom until the next morning. Amazing!
One more story about falling: my friend, who has false teeth, was out shopping in the mall one day and was checking out the cosmetics and smelling the various perfumes. Suddenly, she had a sneezing fit, and before she knew it, her teeth fell out of her mouth. As the kids say, wouldn’t that bite? Hoping no one noticed, she delicately picked them up and went about her business.
I hope you enjoy this nice fall weather and if you have to fall, do it on your knees in church, where at least you have padding.

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

Absent-mindedness: I’m quite sure you’ve had occasion to experience this malady at some time or other in your lifetime. This problem has no age barrier – it happens to everyone.
Last garbage day is an example of my experience with preoccupation. I work at night now, so I put out the recyclables before I leave for work. This past Tuesday I made several trips. I usually put the garbage out when I get back because the dogs and cats will sometimes get into the garbage bags and make a mess. So after three trips I grabbed my purse and got in my car and I was good to go. I was about to look for my keys in my purse but my purse wasn’t anywhere to be found. Now I know I grabbed my purse, so back in the house I went, searching. After five minutes or so I was getting ticked so I went outside to look around. Then I thought, maybe it’s in the blue box. Well, hello, there it was – right at the curb where I put it. I shook my head and chuckled. You know what I mean.
This forgetfulness happens to other people too. When I worked at the local hotel I saw many sights. Picture this: a very inebriated lady came out of the washroom and unbeknownst to her she had toilet paper sticking out of her slacks. Believe me it happens. So being the concerned person I am I said, “Excuse me lady,” and I started to tell her she’s dragging, but since she was rather drunk she turned to me and said, “What the blankity-blank is your problem?” So I rolled back my eyes and said, “No problem,” and let her go on her way. Darn if that wasn’t a sight.
Tom can be absent-minded, too. After I spent several days in the hospital having our first son, Tom came to pick us up and take us home. Before we left we had to sign some forms and gather up our luggage and gifts, etc. I handed the baby to Tom for a minute while I made some last minute arrangements. For some reason or other Tom set the baby on a nearby bench (as usual I wasn’t paying that much attention). After a while we were ready to go. Out we marched to the car. Tom helped me in and put the luggage in the trunk, and we were good to go. Wrong! I turned to him and said, “Pardon me, are you forgetting something?”
He looked around like he had lost his keys and said, “I don’t think so.” I replied, “You fool. What about the baby?” Although he can’t run very fast today he certainly had the ten-yard dash down in no time that day.

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

Laundry problems – I’m sure we’ve all had them to some degree or other.
For instance, how is it that we always seem to lose one sock or forget to take things out of the pockets? And how in the drying process do socks and underwear end up in your pant legs? Who knows!
Since last October, my husband Tom has had some major problems with his right leg, and with all the pain and suffering he had to go through it was a very trying time. The end result was the doctors decided to end the pain and amputate his leg on July 7. Tom is doing very well and now he’s ready to have an artificial leg.
On Thursday we had a meeting with a group of people to get him into Parkwood hospital so the process of getting him fitted for a new leg can begin.
We had a question and answer period and filled out a bunch of forms and the group explained what we can expect once Tom is in the hospital. Once the technical stuff was done, the doctor wanted to see Tom’s stump.
Tom was wearing long pants and on the stump part he had the pant leg pinned up – all his pants are now like this – so he unpinned the pants to show the doctor his stump. As he did this, a piece of material fell to the floor.
Since everyone was talking or looking at the stump, nobody paid any attention to what was on the floor. Nobody, except of course me, but I was distracted by the nurse who started asking me something. Suddenly, the doctor looked down and asked, “What is that?”
Tom thought he was talking about his stump and it kind of fazed him, but I spoke up and said, “Is that your underwear, doctor?” He replied, “I don’t think so.” Then Tom looked down and said, “That’s my underwear. How did it get down there?”
Meanwhile, everyone was choking with laughter. Tom was undeterred as he delicately bent over and picked up the underwear and stuffed it in his pocket.
I apologized because I do the laundry so it was my fault the underwear got stuck in the pant leg thanks to the pins. At that point, it didn’t really matter because everyone wanted to leave to laugh out loud.
The doctor finally got a hold of himself and said, “Well, I guess you’re good to go.”
All in all, the meeting went well. As soon as a bed becomes available, Tom will be admitted, and I’m sure he’ll be in a ward this time. Good luck, Tom.

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

Nurses deserve a lot of credit. They’re doing the best they can. Sometimes I’m sure their patience is stretched with some of their patients. I say, keep up the good work.

A model patient
Since Tom has been in and out of the hospital for the last five months (eventually losing his leg below the knee due to circulation problems), we’ve witnessed all the good work nurses do. I suppose it helps if the nurses have great patients like Tom; at least, Tom said that the nurses were singing his praises as a very nice patient and they were sorry to see him leave.
On the ride home from his surgery, Tom said he was surprised he didn’t get an award.
I thought that was a little much. I’m sure he wasn’t so special that he deserved an award. I asked him, “Why would you get an award?”
He said, “Well that’s what I wanted.”
I said, “Well, not everyone gets an award. That’s stretching it.”
Tom said, “Yeah, but it’s very lonely in a room without other people.”
That’s when I realized he wanted in a ward, not an award. I almost peed my pants, I was laughing so hard.

Honesty is the best policy
Honesty is the best policy, but I’ve never understood the impulse to be honest when it serves no purpose other than to hurt someone.
Say, for example, your friend is showing off her new baby and this child is as ugly as dirt. Surely, you’re not going to tell her that! Better to say, “How lucky for you. I hope he’s healthy.” Now isn’t that better?
Sometimes people want you to be dishonest. Another example, my friend purchased something at the store and when she got her change back, the cashier had made a mistake in her change to my friend’s advantage. She told the cashier this and the cashier responded very indignantly, “I don’t make mistakes.”
So my friend walks away, but she feels bad and puts the extra change into the box for the poor at the church.

Lessons in honesty
Be honest with your kids and they will trust you.
Be honest with your boss: eight hours pay equals eight hours work.
Bosses: If an employee has the decency to give you notice of resignation, resist shortening their remaining hours as revenge. You can be honest, too.

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

I hope you’re all enjoying your summer holidays. I suppose you’re out there swimming and playing different kinds of outdoor games and sports. Not to be a nag, but I truly think it would be a good idea for you to take a break now and then from the physical exercise to get some mental exercise. Grab a favourite book or two and read, even if the books have a lot of pictures. I used to read comic books; I don’t know if they’re that popular today. Regardless, grab anything with the written word and enjoy it. If you’re reading this, you’ve obviously got the idea. You might just find something of interest elsewhere in here for you.
Please keep safe and remember safety, especially if you’re around water. Always swim with a friend.
If you’re a bike rider, my friend Alice McNair tells me that kids and adults tend to ride on sidewalks or the wrong side of the road. She’s among many who find this irritating, so if you have access to a bicycle path, please use it. Some older people have a low patience threshold. I think mine has been tested in the last few months, what with the heat, sitting in traffic because of the construction in Crediton, and helping take care of Tom; I may just lose it one of these days! So far, so good, but look out – I may just blow!

You can write Rita at: mom at grandbendstrip dot com

Advice from mom
By Rita Lessard

One night (a long time ago) I was out with my girlfriends and I ended up at the Dashwood Hotel. This was my first visit to this hotel so I wasn’t familiar with the layout. After enjoying a few drinks I needed to use the washroom and I asked my friends where the women’s room was. They pointed to a hallway. When I got there both signs said men’s.
Apparently the “wo” fell off the women’s room but I remembered the girls had said it was the door on the right. I went in and was confronted with an unusual looking toilet. Determined to figure out how to use the contraption, I backed up into this thing (without removing my clothes) to see how it would fit if I sat down. As I was doing this, a guy walked in and said, “Do you realize that this is the men’s washroom?”
I had to think fast so I said, “Of course. I’m just in here making sure everything is in working order.” I marched myself out of there, back to my so-called friends who were laughing their guts out.
I guess the moral of this story is to look before you pee or is that look before you leap?

Hint for hot day
When you go grocery shopping, take a cooler with ice in it so you can keep frozen and perishable food cold.

Food safety tips
Harmful bacteria can be on any food. To prevent this follow these steps:
1. Chill food as promptly as possible.
2. Clean your hands and kitchen surface often.
3. Separate foods. Don’t cross-contaminate.
4. Cook thoroughly. Use a meat and poultry thermometer for your own safety.
- Sheila Tiedeman

By Rita Lessard

I hope you proud Canadians have a great July 1st. We have so much to be thankful for; I especially enjoy my freedom.

Now that the nice weather is here you have no excuse not to get in better shape. Walking is the easiest form of exercise and the cheapest; start out slow. Cycling is also good. Make it a family activity.
No sitting around watching TV. Save that for a winter sport. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables and buy locally.

Parents: Want to keep tabs on your kids, especially around water? Tie bells on them. I used to tie bells on my kids’ shoes so I always knew where they were. Mind you, you might want to get rid of them when they are about 16… the bells, I mean. Then again, maybe not.

Congratulations to all you scholars out there, I hope you all did well. At least if you did your best, that’s progress. There’s always next year.

Advice for Students:

Stay in school as long as possible. Get a degree. Consider a trade school – people are crying for tradespeople.
P.S. If you want to enjoy your summer, don’t ever tell your parents you’re bored. They’re bound to find something you’d rather not do.

Compiled by Rita Lessard

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there, especially to Tom and my sons Tom, Glen, Mike and Bill.

Fathers: Don’t wait until you’re a grandfather to enjoy children. Wake up and smell the diaper and change it! Make changes in your life early. You’ll never regret it.

Mothers: Don’t ever say, “Wait until your father gets home.” My mother always said that and I grew to fear my father. My father died when I was 13 and I never did get to know the true man.

Respect your child, listen to your child, and discipline your child. Explain to your child why you want them to do certain things and don’t say, “Because I said so.”

Pet Peeves

People who don’t use the left turning lane when they want to turn left. Instead they stay in the driving lane and hold up traffic.
- Deb McNair

Pet owners who don’t clean up after their dogs.
- Alice McNair

People who drive behind you with their high beams on. Try driving behind a cop car doing that and see what happens. I assure you, you’ll get pulled over.
- Anne LeCourtois

Knuckle crackers, nose pickers, and body grabbers (their own, of course). What’s with these ball players always grabbing their crotch and spitting?
- Joan McCullough

Tailgaters-Either pass or back off. If I can see your eye colour you’re way too close!
- Diane Faubert

Service people who chew gum when they are serving you. Food and beverage people are the worst. For heaven’s sake lose the gum. You look like a cow chewing its cud. Not pretty!
- Rita Lessard

Joke of the Week

It was a lovely summer day and my new sister – a five year old from Romania – was helping in the garden. As we worked she practiced her English by heartily singing songs she’s been learning from children’s TV shows.
“You sing wonderfully.” I remarked. “Someday you can sing at my funeral.”
“Sure,” she eagerly replied. “Can I sing, ‘It’s a beautiful day in the neighbourhood?’”
- Josh Siemen, Reader’s Digest

Uses for Vinegar

- Before conditioner, use vinegar and water to rinse your hair.
- Wash your windows with vinegar and water – it’s cheap and streak-free
- You can also keep glassware dishes from streaking by adding 3 tablespoons of vinegar with your detergent. Wash glassware separate from dishes.
- Earl Proulx, Yankee Magazine

Helpful hint

Having a hard time getting a lid off? Try rubber gloves or sandpaper. It works for me.

Compiled by Rita Lessard

Natural flea busters
How it all Vegan cookbook
Brewer’s yeast: 1 tsp or 1 tablet a day. Note: some animals are allergic to brewer’s yeast; watch for itchy patches. Consult your vet.
Garlic: Most animals love garlic when mixed with food.
Calendula ointment or oil: An excellent repellent that helps with itching.
Vinegar: A ratio of 1 tsp of vinegar to 4 cups of water in their drinking water helps keep your pets free of fleas and ticks.

Flea Pet Spray
This spray is a natural way to eliminating fleas that is not harmful to humans, pets or the environment.
1/4 tsp eucalyptus or wintergreen essential oil
1 cup water
Add oil to spray bottle filled with water.

Spray your house with a fine mist – the carpet, furniture, car, pet’s beds – everywhere. Fleas hate the aroma and run for cover. Spraying your pet is also a great idea. Spray areas three times a week all year round, but especially during summer, the peak flea season.

Stress busters
Do your best, then stop – Maybe somebody else could do better, but don’t worry about that. Realize that sometimes your best is the best you can do. Don’t worry about what somebody else thinks.
View problems as opportunities – If you’re stressed out because of a problem, see it as an opportunity. For instance, whenever my husband needs me to do something, instead of seeing it as a stressful situation, I see it as an opportunity to help him.
Make someone laugh – Laughter is the best stress breaker, absolutely. If I’m laughing I’m not under stress, and it really is good for me and others. I like to make people laugh; it relieves my stress and it relieves theirs too.

Quotes of the week
Intelligence: Spotting a flaw in a boss’ character.
Wisdom: Not mentioning it.
- Vernon McLellan, Wacky Wit

You know how people always say the customer is always right? Well, after 35 years of serving the public, I can hardly wait to be a customer. Just to be right once.
- Rita Lessard

By Rita Lessard

How tea bags can help you

For dry skin
Bathe in green tea. Just throw a few tea bags under a running faucet and the antioxidants will rehydrate your skin.

Tidy cats
Allow used tea bags to air-dry, then add the contents to kitty litter. Tea’s antibacterial properties neutralize odour.

Natural deodorizer
When cooking with fish or garlic, wipe the palms of your hands with wet tea bags after handling the food. Odours will disappear.

No more rust
After washing, wipe cast iron pots and pans with used tea bags. The tannins in the tea create a rust preventing layer.

- From Women’s World magazine

Stress busters

Review your purpose – remember why you are doing what you’re doing.
Take stretch breaks – if you’re overwhelmed, take five minutes to walk the dog or smell the coffee (that’s easy for me because I work at Tim Horton’s).
Listen to your intuition – there have been times when I have wondered what to do in a situation and I trusted my intuition. It’s always worked for me.
Rub your feet and hands – there are points in your feet and hands that, when rubbed, will relieve stress. I tell the girls at work to do this when they have headaches. I do it, too, because I know it works.

Quotes of the week

You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give. – Anonymous
Live to learn and you will learn to live. – Portuguese proverb