How to start a new life

Advice from Mom
By Rita Lessard

The most popular month for people to get married is June. I suppose people figure if April showers bring May flowers, then June will bring good weather that is neither too hot nor too cold. This is a good time to start a new life with someone you love.
It has been said that white is a colour that symbolizes happiness and good luck. Black on the other hand, would symbolize bad luck and unhappiness. I can understand why so many brides choose to wear white, so why do the grooms wear black? You’d wonder, wouldn’t you? Wearing earrings will bring the bride good luck provided they are not pearl earrings. Maybe the groom can get on this bandwagon and change his luck with a nice pair of earrings. Apparently, for every pearl a bride wears, her husband will give her a reason to cry. Great! After 47 years of marriage I find this out.
Most animals that you see on the way to church are good luck, including lambs, doves or toads. Even birds that fly directly over your car are good luck. It’s bad luck, though, if a pig crosses your path or bats fly into the church. Your old bat of an Aunt Gretchen doesn’t count.

Things we think we know!

• The red coral of the Mediterranean is actually blue.
• The grey whale is actually black.
• The Caspian Sea and the Dead Sea are both actually lakes.
• The Douglas fir is a pine tree.

Found in the classified ads

• Beautiful 6-month-old kitten. Playful, friendly, very affectionate. Or handsome 32 year old husband. Personable, funny, good job, but hates cats; says he goes or the cat goes. Come see both and decide which one you’d like. (Rita: I guess that honeymoon is over.)
• Amana washer – owned by bachelor who seldom washed.
• For sale: Cows, calves, never bred; also, a gay bull.
• Georgia peaches – Californian grown, 89¢/lb

Quotables

• Golfer Elaine Johnson once drove a ball that hit a tree, bounced back and landed in her bra. “I’ll take two stroke penalty,” she said, “but I’ll be damned if I’m going to play the ball where it lays.”
• Rita Rudner: My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Happy Father’s Day to Tom and all my sons who are fathers. To Casey – an honourable mention for looking after his two dogs.

Posted on Wednesday, June 16th, 2010 at 12:27 pm. Filed under: Advice from Mom, Crediton, Vol. 4, #2 RSS 2.0 feed.